


Smoke and Ashes

by Peryton



Series: Soul Games [4]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, mentions of torture, tags will probably be added as more chapters are posted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2019-11-03 21:57:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17885948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peryton/pseuds/Peryton
Summary: Continuing on from Playing With Fire and the final part in the Soul Games series. The Capitol had reaped the tributes for the 75th Hunger Games from the victors of past Games. Which meant that Katniss and Johanna were back in the Arena, only this time they were together. Only Katniss and Peeta were still playing the romantic couple for the Capitol. And when Johanna attempted to save Katniss, to get her out of the Arena by removing her tracker and leading the Careers away from the victor from Twelve, Johanna was knocked unconscious and the last she saw was a hovercraft taking her from the Arena.AKA The Johanna POV Mockingjay AU where Johanna and Katniss are soulmates.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for mentions of torture, specifically water/electrical  
> There are two sections mentioning torture, they are preceded by line breaks if you want a heads up but they're not very graphic.

Johanna comes to with a start. Her heart racing, Johanna opens her eyes as far as they will tolerate, the stinging and throbbing around them lets her know at the very least they’ve been bruised shut from her last fight. Johanna looks around, looking for Katniss. After the initial panic of not seeing the younger victor Johanna starts to notice her surroundings more. White. Clinical. Clean. Johanna’s stomach drops and a figure in white with a medical mask holding a syringe steps back further out of her view and is replaced with President Snow.

 

Johanna’s mouth is dry but swallowing burns, memories of Brutus’s attempt to strangle her rise up and Johanna tries to move her limbs but every part of her is strapped to what looks like an operating table. The wounds on her body aren’t bleeding anymore. But they aren’t healed either. Johanna is still in her dirty and bloodied suit from the Arena but parts are encased in some kind of liquid gel that seem to be stopping her from bleeding out. Johanna isn’t sure whether it’s the gel or some other drug that has numbed the pain she knows she should be feeling from her injuries, there is none of the usual fogginess or euphoria that often accompanies Capitol medication. Johanna is lucid enough that as she takes note that the Capitol haven’t even bothered to clean her up a flash of panic shoots through Johanna, the victor from Seven wouldn’t put it past Snow to get his lackeys to bring her round just so he could gloat that he has everything again. Everyone. Johanna’s eyes track around the room again but there are no other operating tables in the room, no other victors are with her.

 

“Ms Mason.” The soft voice somehow overshadows the rapid drumming in her ears. “I’ve come to extend my condolences for your injuries, it really is brutal what those from the Districts do to each other.”

Johanna glares up at Snow and has to cough a few times before she can rasp out “Yeah, the Capitol had nothing to do with my injuries. Putting us in a cage and telling us to murder each other or you’d kill us.”

“It’s always been a great honour to be selected for Tribute. You should know, you have benefited from this more than others. When was the last time you went hungry?”

“Honour?” Johanna’s voice cracks as she struggles to raise it beyond a whisper. “Is that what living under your thumb is called? Being forced to be with people because it would control them or passed around as some reward?”

Snow continues as if Johanna hadn’t spoken, “which is why the state you and your… allies now find themselves in is most unfortunate. Do not doubt Ms Mason, that the rebels will be caught and brought to justice.” Snow drops any pretence of a congenial politician and is all the cold murderer that Johanna always saw him as. “If they are retrieved quickly we can be lenient. But with each minute they are against us mercy is slipping from out of their grasp.”

Johanna stays pointedly silent. Unable to shrug due to the restraints keeping her arms pinned firmly to the table she is lying on instead Johanna raises an eyebrow.

Snow sighs, “this isn’t the time to grow morals Ms Mason. I will visit again, hopefully you will enjoy your stay. I’m sure you will have the time to reflect on what I want from you while you are here.” Snow turns to leave and Johanna feels a small flame of accomplishment, Johanna isn’t naïve enough to believe all the Capitol will throw at her is some chitchat but if this is their opening gambit Johanna is confident she won’t submit. Snow pauses at the edge of Johanna’s line of sight, “One more thing, you aren’t the only guest we have here from the Arena, and the offer for information is dependent on whether it is new. You’re a fighter Johanna, you know the value in staying alive. Don’t give everything up now where no one will even know you are fighting. When others could be telling us everything and leaving you with nothing.”

“Fuck you.” Johanna spits out.

“Very well. When you change your mind this offer may not still be on the table.”

 

Johanna’s mind reels as soon as Snow leaves, frantically going over the last she remembers before she woke up here. They had broken the forcefield surrounding the Arena, it was the lightning but Beetee must have somehow got it to fry the Arena instead of the Careers. Which was probably for the best since Enobaria and Brutus had ambushed her and Katniss before they made it to the beach so there would have been no point in that plan anyway. Hell, Volts probably knew that all along, making out that it was to kill the Careers so the Gamemakers wouldn’t put a stop to his scheme. Figures Haymitch would tell Nuts and Volts his whole plan and leave it to Finnick to give her crumbs of information when they were in the Arena. Johanna hopes Haymitch got Katniss out, surely if Snow had everyone he wouldn’t be bothering with her. Katniss and Peeta had been the instigators of the riots in the other Districts. Hell, Johanna didn’t even know the other Districts were banding together until Haymitch had told her. And after everything Johanna and Peeta said to Haymitch the older victor better had damn well stuck to their agreement and got Katniss out first.

 

It makes sense that she is here, Johanna thinks to herself, trying to paper over the sinking feeling of being left behind, being left at the mercy of the Capitol. Haymitch would have got Katniss out, he’d have had to. Peeta wouldn’t have let him take him and leave Katniss behind. And Johanna had got rid of Katniss’s tracker so the Gamemakers wouldn’t have any way of finding her -hell, they’d have thought Katniss already dead until it was too late. And there would be no point in breaking the forcefield if Haymitch hadn’t been ready to get them. Johanna remembers the metal arms of the hovercraft reaching for her, of thinking it was Haymitch and the others bringing her out of the Arena and away from the Capitol’s influence. How wrong she was. Johanna had always been surplus to requirements, Katniss had Peeta for her Capitol love story, Haymitch had Volts and Finnick to confide his great plans for rebellion with.

 

Johanna isn’t sure how long she stays in that room strapped to the table, long enough that her limbs become uncomfortably numb even with the medical lack of feeling the gel brings from her wounds. At some point faceless people dressed in white come and cut off her clothes, washing away the dirt and blood with streams of cold water. The strange gel blocking her wounds from bleeding out is peeled off and the pain abruptly returns, searing through her flesh until they reapply it. Johanna grits her teeth against it all and struggles to free herself but throughout all of it her limbs stay tied and none of the people there answer her curses or screams. No one so much as looks at her. Johanna screams her throat raw and her voice silent but there isn’t so much as a flicker of sympathy in any of them. Johanna might as well be a part of the table she is tied to for all the empathy shown to her. 

 

All too soon Snow reappears. The president strolls around the table displaying her, observing her with a detachment that chills Johanna, Johanna fights against the fire in her throat to spit out curses and threats against him.

 

Snow comes to a stop at Johanna’s side. “We never bothered to check the tributes, most pass along so quickly, and what are the chances of this happening? Mr Mellark’s strategy was so successful because of its rarity.” Snow’s eyes move from her body to meet her own glaring at him. “This was here for me to see all along. But I never bothered myself with minor players.”

 “Get away from me.” Johanna snarls out.

“Does she even know? Did you tell her or did you realise you didn’t deserve her? We both know you aren’t capable of love. And especially not from her, she carries trouble with her. She claims to do what’s best for her family but she courts danger, that girl has always strayed too close to the fire, she can’t keep her promises, if she ever even made you any. Her name is branded into your skin and all you’re getting out of it is the gift of being burned.”

 

Johanna’s vision blurs and nausea rises. For so long she had kept this part of her secret from everyone. It was only recently she had trusted anyone enough to tell them. Or let them find out. Now Snow had the evidence of her bond with Katniss in front of him.

 

“If you want to save her you have to tell me what you know.”

“What makes you think I know anything?” Johanna husks out, her voice cracking with the exertion of having to talk.

“I know more of you were involved in this… this little plan. I’m sure Ms Everdeen picked her allies so that she could have them close by for Plutarch’s betrayal.”

“If you think Katniss picked her allies for anything other than she felt sorry for them you haven’t been paying attention to her. Why do you think she stuck with Mellark in the last Games?”

“Of course, Mr Mellark. Katniss showed how much she cared for him. And you were disregarded. Ignored because you served no purpose. We’ve all seen how Ms Everdeen treats those for whom she has no purpose for. Rue. Mags. And Blight. He died and she never cared, she kept her distance from you and huddled with Peeta, sharing secrets and plans. And now you are here with us. Tell me, Ms Mason, do you think she will find any use for you now?”

 

Johanna clenches her jaw and fights against the urge to argue. It’s not like Johanna has any compelling argument that she even believes herself right now. She can’t do anything. If she were free she’d kill Snow with her bare hands -but then if she were free she wouldn’t be here at all. She’d be helping Haymitch with his plan, she’d be with Katniss in Thirteen. Johanna knows her skills are limited to being a killer. Snow had called her a survivor but she was no use to anyone trapped here. No use to Katniss if she tells Snow anything.

 

“I fear you and I have reached the end of our convivial conversation.” Snow states without inflection, he turns away from Johanna and addresses one of the countless figures in white “Wells, it’s time Ms Mason was introduced to more thorough methods of communication.”

 

* * *

 

 Fire is in her veins, limbs sluggish, boneless. Johanna can faintly feel hands on her, moving her, but everything is as through she is under water. Separate from everything including her own body.

 

The first time they come to her in the dark room she fights back, gives them a few scars of her own to remember her by. The thought makes Johanna grin. Even though her calf is a bloody mess, the wound in her side causing any movement to be stunted, even with one hand now nothing more than a club that she can’t feel unless it is driven into someone’s chest and then the fire spreading along her nerves likely rivals anything it inflicts on her captors Johanna can hold her own. They keep coming though, their weapons harder and stronger than her hands. And the injuries they cause leave her broken and weak. Johanna is unconscious about as often is she is cognisant but still she doesn’t say anything to their constant questions.

 

The Capitol heal Johanna’s injures and inflict their own, healing them whenever they feel like it so they have another blank canvas to work on. The mark on Johanna’s hip bearing Katniss’s name burns through it all, keeping her grounded, connected to something other than the pain the Capitol is inflicting on her.

 

Katniss got out. She got out. That’s all Johanna can think, it’s what she clings to when the Capitol ask her where the rebels went. When their interrogation techniques escalate and her body seems more like something for the Capitol to pour pain into than anything that ever belonged to her. Katniss did it, she broke the Arena and got out, Johanna feels pride and relief that Katniss could still be alive. Then when the Capitol tortures her she _knows_ Katniss is still alive and they can’t have her. They can’t have her because she’s all they ask about. And Johanna has something again. Something the Capitol don’t have. They can’t have.

 

* * *

 

The water is dumped over Johanna’s head. A quick burst of cold that clears the blood and sweat from her eyes. Johanna spits at the figure in white and takes in a deep gasping breath.

 

 

Johanna is submerged in a tank, her lungs burn and her limbs thrash uselessly

 

Shocks course through her, Johanna gasps for air, jerking up only to be hit down.

 

 

Johanna’s body convulses as electricity shoots through every nerve ending in her body. A pool of water forms below her as Johanna struggles away from the fire in her own body. Drips from her hair and spatter across the room as her limbs flail. The pain blocks out everything

               Johanna has no idea how much time has passed. She floats in the tank. Her body arcs again as electricity is sent through the water every part of her hit with the shock at once. There are quick bursts then it doesn’t let up

 

Johanna convulses, unable to avoid swallowing water as her body thrashes against the current surging through her

 

 

Johanna splutters. Water breaking from her burning lungs.           Johanna isn’t sure if this is still the same session.

 

Time doesn’t mean anything anymore. All Johanna remembers is the pain.

Drowning.          

 

Coming back to have her body filled with electricity. Energy and power let loose and running unchecked through her

 

 

Johanna might scream. There must be a reason the water is back in her throat. Rushing down into her lungs.

 

They bring her back again

Her body jolts and shakes as the current runs through it. Johanna can’t feel it any more.

 

Katniss kisses Peeta. Johanna can see it so clearly she moves closer. Johanna moves towards Katniss, wanting to split her and Peeta then Katniss is walking down towards the beach with her.

“There’s too many people at risk.”

“Don’t I matter too? When are you going to start living for yourself?” Johanna hears her voice answering the younger victor without realising she is speaking.

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have anyone you love anymore. You told us that yourself! Why should I risk…”

“That’s not strictly true.” Johanna responds quietly.

 

“This is unprecedented.” A voice encroaches into the edge of Johanna’s awareness. Johanna turns back to Katniss who’s smirking at her.

“What-” Johanna starts, turning away from Katniss to find the owner of the other voice but all that greets her is darkness.

 

* * *

 

Johanna is leaning against a wall in a dark room. She isn’t sure if they take her back to the same room or a different one. There was a time when she’d spent hours trying to mark the smooth walls. Now she can’t summon the energy to look.

 

A muffled bang from somewhere nearby jerks Johanna’s thoughts back into something more than jumbled images and feelings. Johanna bangs the wall in return. “Can’t you even let me pass out in peace!”

“J-Johanna?” a familiar voice starts out nervously.

Johanna frowns this would be a strange choice for the Capitol to use against her if they wanted her to fall into giving information. Johanna had never found it difficult to ignore Peeta’s existence.

“Johanna it’s me, it’s Peeta.” His voice comes through desperate now. “They got me from the Arena, have you seen Katniss? They said that if I tell them where they went they won’t hurt her-”

“Shut up!” Johanna spits out. Even if this isn’t some Capitol trick talking about Katniss is the stupidest thing the baker could be doing.

“Johanna it is you isn’t it?” Peeta’s voice sounds so desolate and broken Johanna sighs and responds against her better judgement.

“Yeah Mellark. It’s me.”

There is silence from the other side of the wall for a long time and Johanna wonders whether it was some convoluted trap after all then she hears Peeta breaking down. “I thought I was going crazy. I didn’t know what was real any more. Where I was.”

“Well you’ve been in enough Capitol buildings to recognise their taste in luxury suites by now.” Johanna responds dryly. “All the extravagant comforts you could want.”

 

A broken laugh makes its way through the wall, sounding nothing like the boy Johanna had seen before, even after the 74th Games Peeta had been quick to smile and people found him approachable. Johanna hadn’t been approachable even before her own Games, let alone after.

 

“Johanna I… I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I don’t know if I can take any more, they keep-”

“Katniss is out. Just hold onto that.”

“What if she isn’t?” Peeta asked softly.

“She has to be.” Johanna replies firmly.

Silence settles over them. Johanna tries to find a position that doesn’t antagonise her injuries. Her eyes shut and she concentrates on breathing past the pain, her hand unknowingly settling over the mark on her skin. Before the quiet is once again shattered by Peeta’s voice, “Do you think she’ll come for us?”

 

Johanna doesn’t know what to say to that. It would be stupid to come into the Capitol for people they don’t even know are alive. Johanna would argue against it if she were in Thirteen. That’s what she has been telling herself every time the thought had crossed her own mind. They can’t come. The Capitol has taken everyone she loves, but Katniss is out. She’s free. She can’t come back. Johanna wouldn’t expect her to. Not for her.

 

“Sure.” Johanna answers casually. “Probably on their way as we speak.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Johanna didn’t know how long she had been here. The rooms and corridors were always blindingly bright when they took her out. The cells always dark. Johanna couldn’t have said if she had been in this building days or months, couldn’t say if she’d been locked in this room for hours or days. Johanna shook her head, and focused back on what Peeta was saying.

 

“I always tried my best to protect her. You know that right?”

“As long as you keep that up.” Johanna says firmly. Leaning back against their connecting wall and wondering how she had ended up comforting Peeta about Katniss.

“Of course.” Peeta responds immediately, sounding more convinced of that than of anything else he has spoken about. “I mean, I couldn’t tell them anything if I wanted to. Haymitch never shared any details with us.”

“Sounds like Haymitch.” Johanna muttered.

“He did it to keep us safe.”

“It didn’t do a very good job did it.” Johanna snapped back, wondering if Finnick hadn’t shared anything with her whether she’d feel safer. “Haymitch didn’t tell us anything so his little group would be safe. We’re disposable to him. Do you think the Capitol will believe that you know nothing? And even if they did, they’re not going to let you go. You’re leverage for them.”

“You’re leverage too.” Peeta says so quietly Johanna can hardly hear him through the wall. Johanna scoffs and Peeta interrupts, his voice growing louder and surer. “No, really, you’re-”

“Listen Mellark. No one in the Districts even know my name at this stage, I was one of two victors from Seven -and not the liked one. I’m not going to be of any use in this.”

“Katniss needs you-” Johanna scoffs cutting Peeta off. “She does Jo, you don’t know how she was when you weren’t around.”

“Way to get me to believe you Mellark, bringing up your secret bedtime chats. I’m sure I was all you could talk about.”

“Believe it or not she actually did talk about you. More than I would like to remember if I’m honest. I mean, I got it, I knew what we had was… well you saw what I said in Caesar’s interview to protect her.”

“Yeah. To protect her.” Johanna scoffs. “You took away Katniss’s agency, her choice. You said you loved her back in your first interview with Caesar and then no matter what anyone else said, no matter that you weren’t marked, in everyone’s eyes you _were_ these star-crossed lovers. Katniss never said anything about it. Hell, no words from Katniss were _needed_ , no one even asked if Katniss even liked you.”

“She was furious with me for that.” Peeta says fondly.

“Yeah. She should have been.” Johanna retorts, her voice rising.

“I guess I… I don’t know. I didn’t know how we stood a chance. Two kids from Twelve? And I knew Katniss… Katniss was never easy to like.”

“So you didn’t think she was capable of winning on her own and fabricated this creepy fantasy to lock her into your story?”

“No, that- that came out wrong.”

“She isn’t just some pawn you can use for your own means-”

“No- that’s not- that’s not what I intended at all!” Peeta interrupts, voice tinged with anger.

“The Capitol do enough of that Mellark. We don’t need to do it to each other too.” Johanna bites back, annoyance at the boy in the room next to hers rising, fury at everyone who had made it so she was trapped in a Capitol cell today, growing along with the volume of her voice.

Johanna’s fists are clenched as she waits for Peeta’s argument, his reasoning as to why he thought he had any right to do what he did. Johanna waits but there’s only silence from behind the wall. Until “I didn’t mean it to be that way.” Peeta says quietly. “And you have to know Johanna, if I had known anything about… well, if I had known. I honestly wouldn’t have said that. I… maybe I thought me and Katniss might have had a slim chance… I wouldn’t have made it out the Arena but maybe I could be happy before. Maybe I could save her. But when I learned about you I knew I’d stolen that chance from Katniss.”

“Barely.” Johanna snorts. “Katniss doesn’t just fall into what’s expected of her. Look at how she won her Games. There’s never been two victors in one Games. Never. And the Capitol never intended to honour their pledge to let two from the same District win. But Katniss-”

“Katniss always made her own fate.” Peeta interrupted, fondness lacing his words.

“Until you decided to push the two of you into a romance anyway.” Johanna retorted sarcastically.

“But like you said, no one can control Katniss. She may have played along with me for the cameras but as much as I wished it was at the time it was never real.”

“No need to try and comfort me just because we’re likely to die here Mellark.” Johanna said dryly.

 

“When I said Katniss wasn’t easy to like before, I was wrong. We’re the two people who can prove that the most. But Katniss, she hides her heart, she tries her hardest to protect it. To pretend she can’t be broken like that again. But in that Arena when she didn’t know where you were, I know she was worried. She knew losing you would break her.” Peeta replies earnestly.

“She had you.” Johanna replied resentment forcing into every word.

“Yeah. She had me. And Finnick and Mags. And we did our best to protect each other, to make it through the other tributes in there and all the Capitol’s traps. But we weren’t who she needed.”

“That’s a nice story Mellark. Almost as nice as your ‘doomed-lovers’ bit for the Capitol.”

“You two are so similar.” Peeta lets out frustratedly. “Neither of you are willing to let your unaffected façade drop enough to let the truth out.”

“Not with you no.” Johanna says. “I think I’ve done enough of dropping things around you to last your life. Or have you already forgotten the elevator and me dropping my _fetching_ tree outfit.”

Peeta laughs. “Yeah and I remember Katniss running after you. You can’t tell me you two didn’t connect or repair whatever it was that led to that?”

“Well we certainly _connected_.” Johanna replied, layering her words with as much innuendo as she could

“Okay. Okay that’s more than I need to hear.” Johanna laughs at the obvious discomfort in Peeta’s voice. “Once Katniss lets you in, once she- she’s…” Peeta trails off unable to find the words.

“Yeah.” Johanna agrees, both slipping into silence for a few moments. Johanna thinking back to the times when Katniss had let her walls down around her, when she hadn’t been focused on denying what was between them and how in those moments Johanna hadn’t felt like the Capitol could stop them. How even Katniss would be half convinced they could continue safely. That they were safe. Johanna shook her head at herself to drive the thoughts away. The Capitol had proven it could take

* * *

 

Johanna’s muscles spasm and lock with the current pulsing through her body. The only thing stopping Johanna from screaming was her inability to open her jaw, her body wasn’t under her control, instead it was at the mercy of the people dressed in white flicking the switch. Johanna felt her teeth crack with how hard she was biting down.   


The current dropped as suddenly as it had started and Johanna took in deep shuddering breaths as four of the interchangeable guards in white moved forward to unstrap her limbs from the machine.  They carried her back to the tank and panic rose up. Johanna fought as best she could. An elbow came up and winded one of the people pulling her forward. Johanna twisted and two others lost their grip, Johanna was quick to take advantage, her hands already formed into fists and meeting with the figures in white. Johanna heard the click of the batons extending and twisted away, trying to avoid the incoming blows. Dull thuds hit her torso and arm, barely registering after the shocks Johanna had just been tormented to, Johanna kicked out at one of the figures. But a crack to her head sent Johanna to the ground but she lunged for one of the figures pulling at their baton.

“Tie her arms.” Interrupted the fight, coming from a bored voice somewhere behind her.

 

Johanna was pulled upright by unseen hands. Johanna struggled against the grip, yelling and swearing insults at the faceless figures surrounding her. Their formerly pristine uniforms spattered with blood and streaks of dirt. 

With arms tied she couldn't keep herself afloat in the tank. Johanna kicked frantically to stay above the surface of the water but even before the electricity turned on Johanna was spluttering and coughing up water. Choking as she sank once again under the surface.   


Then they turned on the machine. 

Johanna screamed but all it did was let in a rush of water into her already burning lungs. Johanna tried desperately to grab onto the side of the tank but even without her hands tied behind her any purchase on the smooth sides of the tank was lost as soon as the current shot through Johanna’s body, pulling her muscles from out of her control. 

Johanna’s body hit the bottom of the tank. 

Darkness bleeds over the blurry sight of the white clad figures standing around the tank watching her...  


A hand hauls Johanna from the water. Johanna raised her head and her vision slowly cleared, looking up Johanna saw her arms were free, hand linked to another hand. Johanna was bringing Katniss from out of the water, rocks still spinning around them. Katniss stumbles and holds onto Johanna to steady herself, her hands come to rest on Johanna’s hips one hand resting above Johanna’s mark. Johanna holds Katniss’s gaze, she feels the warmth coming from her skin, feel the burn along where Katniss’s name is branded into her hip.

 

Flames burn along Johanna’s skin, in her body.  Johanna screams.   


She must have been above the water, Johanna knows she screamed, the sound is ringing in her ears and her throat burns. But as soon as her eyes open all Johanna sees is water.   


Rushing overhead. Surrounding her. 

Arms tied behind her back Johanna kicks, frenzied movements attempting to reach air.  Johanna’s lungs burn. The faces watching her curiously shimmer and blur.   


Gulping air. 

Gasping for breath.

“Where are the rebels.” A hard voice asks.   


Johanna was shivering on the floor, her muscles still convulsing from the electricity or near drowning, which Johanna didn’t know.   


“If I ask again you will go back in the pool.”

Johanna moved to sit up but without the use of her hands her body slipped, falling onto the hard floor. “I don’t _know_.” Johanna mumbles.

“Where. Is. Katniss?” The voice asked again, each word measured and deliberate. 

“I told you, I don’t know.” Johanna replies pushing herself from the floor, staring up at the poised figure looking down at her. 

“You know how to make this stop. All you need to do is talk to us.” 

“Fine. Fine.” Johanna rasps out, still coughing up water. “There’s this place, I don’t know if anyone still knows about it,” Johanna’s interrogator leans forward to hear. “Past the fences. That’s where I saw Linden and Ray shagging. Always wondered why Hazel let them get away with it. ‘Course everyone knew she had a special relationship with Forrest. And not the tree one-”

“Put her back in the pool.”

* * *

 

“I never really thought it would end happily for me and Katniss.” Peeta’s voice says in the darkness. “But during the Games, while we were in the Capitol I was glad for anything she would give me, and I suppose I played it up a bit-”

“A bit.” Johanna scoffs.

“I was just happy for her attention, you understand what that’s like.”

 

Johanna doesn’t reply and silence surrounds them.

 

“She loved you you know.” Peeta says quietly.

“Sure, as much as she loved Effie.” Johanna snarks back.

“Katniss doesn’t let herself show it. She’s already lost someone she loved and then we were in the Arena… and I know, I know that she had been continuing my story because she was scared of losing more people she loved. And that includes you Johanna.”

“You said Katniss hides her emotions and yeah, I knew that. Annoyed the hell outta me. But she still stayed with your star-crossed lovers story though didn’t she?”

“The only star-crossed lovers there are you two Johanna.” Peeta says tiredly.

“All that time in the Arena when she was protecting you. That wasn’t a lie.”

“She saved me. I would have died without her.”

“Don’t worry Mellark, there’s still time.”

* * *

 

Water. Shocks. They didn’t even ask questions now, they know Johanna won’t talk. Johanna wonders if they’re just torturing her for enjoyment of it now. Johanna thought they had control over her before, but now… she has nothing without the Capitol giving it her. And they won’t give anything, not even sleep. Johanna hasn’t heard anything about what is going on outside of the building. A thread of worry she can’t quiet wonders whether they had Katniss, that that was why they weren’t asking her any questions now.

* * *

 

“Mellark?” Johanna calls but no one answers. “Peeta?”

“Jo.” A tired voice that Johanna only hears because she is listening out for any noise from beyond her wall.

“How you doing Mellark?” Johanna asks, trying her best to sound reassuring.

“I’m okay.”

“Oh yeah? So that screaming I heard earlier wasn’t you then?”

No response and Johanna wonders if she has pushed too far then, “Shit Johanna, you don’t pull any blows do you?”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you swear.”

“Sorry it’s taken me this long to impress you.” Peeta replies dryly.

“Nah, you did that a while back, ‘course it took me even longer to admit that you had.” Johanna retorts.

“Yeah, okay.” Peeta says before dry coughs make it impossible for him to talk.

“What are they doing to you?” Johanna asks once he can hear her.

“They… I don’t know. I guess they’ve gotten tired of my lack of compliance.”

Johanna hears a sharp indrawn breath from Peeta and wonders what state the younger victor is in. “Your true responses of not knowing anything you mean.” Johanna responds dryly.

“You were right about that. I didn’t think they’d… I don’t know what I thought. I guess I shouldn’t underestimate the creators of the Hunger Games right?”

“I don’t know, they seem to be out of ideas.”

 

Johanna regretted her last words with Peeta when her door was next slammed open and she was taken a different route. Johanna tried to catch onto walls or doors as she passed them, fingers clinging to any edge she could find and kicking out with her feet but at this stage she was so worn down and weakened the guards were more carrying her than dragging her to where they were taking her. Johanna is quickly and efficiently strapped into some sort of reclining chair that seemed to mostly be made from metal wires. A needle pushes into her arm. Johanna tries to pull away but every limb is held tight. Johanna can’t even turn her head to look at what they are giving her. Johanna screams at the figures around her. Their white uniforms blur and blend into one, Johanna isn’t sure how many of them are around her, if there even are any still around her. The white takes over her vision and Johanna’s body lifts, the aches and pains from the innumerable shocks and time in the tank pushed to the edge of drowning or beyond float away.

 

Johanna and Katniss are looking out over District Seven, the tall trees rising steadfast into the sky, the rhythmic sound of axes breaking the silence as Katniss and Johanna walk arm in arm through the trees receiving nods and smiles from the people they pass. Katniss laughs at something Johanna says and Johanna feels more at peace than she ever remembered feeling before.

They make their way back to Johanna’s house in the Victor’s village, the two of them pausing at Blight’s house on the way, Johanna leans over the fence separating his property from the rest of the village and watches the older victor working in his garden.

“You’re better with an axe than a shovel old friend.” Johanna says.

“Luckily for us I’ll never have to use an axe again.” Blight replies, still working at removing a stubborn weed.

Katniss’s hand in Johanna’s pulls Johanna’s gaze to the younger victor, Katniss’s gaze catches hers and Johanna’s heart picks up at what she sees there. Katniss tugs at Johanna’s hand and she snaps out of the spell Katniss has her under.

“Can’t hang around here all-day old man, some of us have other ways to get dirty.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Blight waves them off without looking up, “Keep it down this time, will you? I don’t want to have explain to my niblings about the birds and the bees before they’re in double digits.”

The two half stumble half run to Johanna’s house, Katniss’s hands roving over skin before they reach the property. Johanna pins Katniss against the door and the younger victor moans into her ear as Johanna bites and kisses along her neck. A warm feeling on Johanna’s hip turns into a persistent itch and Johanna can’t relax into Katniss’s touch.

“Everything okay babe?” Katniss asks concerned when Johanna pulls back.

Johanna meets Katniss’s gaze and suddenly her soulmark burns. Johanna can’t help but scream out from the pain.

 

They hurt her then heal her, new skin covers up the marks and wounds and Johanna’s not sure if the pain was ever real or just something they made her think they did. Johanna can’t even trust her own mind anymore.

* * *

 

Johanna opens her eyes and instead of the darkness of the cell she can see trees, sky. The Arena. Johanna looks around checking if there’s anyone nearby. A hand reaches for her axe and comes up empty. Laughter has her spinning around. Katniss is there. Smiling as bright as Johanna has ever seen. Peeta is holding her, both of them looking at each other and grinning as though no one was around. As though they weren’t in the Arena.  Peeta’s wetsuit is torn and the word ‘Katniss’ is easily visible on his bicep.

Johanna holds Katniss’s broken body. Blood spreading out from the wound in her arm. Johanna’s axe is red with the same stain.

Johanna stared after Katniss, watching as the tribute from Twelve spin in her wedding dress, Peeta smiling as she walks towards him.

Katniss stands over Johanna. Bow drawn arrow nocked and pointed at Johanna’s throat. A cruel smile adorns Katniss’s face and Johanna feels fear grasp her body but the mark on Johanna’s hip burns, bringing her something else to focus on. The image in front of her that had felt so real fades, the pain and confusion in her head overshadowed by the burning on her hip.

 

The memories muddle in Johanna’s head, everything seemed fragmented, they overlap and Johanna’s head hurts from trying to work out the truth from the lies. When they leave her, when she has a few brief moments of respite, all the stories would swirl in her head, overwhelming Johanna. But then they would settle, drifting to the background in her mind and Johanna would remember. When the memories and the Capitol’s twisted versions of events spin around in her brain Johanna can see which ones were real. They might not be the prettiest, or the ones that make her feel the best, but Johanna can feel that they happened. Johanna remembers lying under the trees with Katniss in Twelve. Remembers the touch of Katniss’s fingers on her soulmark, tracing the lines of her own name on Katniss’s skin with her lips. Johanna would remember. Then when the figures in white would take her to this new machine Johanna would hold on to the memory of Katniss, of the real Katniss. Her Katniss, for as long as she could, until they clouded it again. But she could always find her way back to that glade under the trees.

 

Johanna is back in the glade with Katniss when a tired voice that doesn’t belong breaks through.

“The subject isn’t responding as needed. It’s a waste of time to continue in this line.”

“That’s impossible-”

“Look at the reactions and then tell me what’s impossible.” The voice turns more frustrated than tired. “Take her back.”

 

Johanna can feel pressure on her body, hands release straps and heft her onto something cold. Johanna turns her head and sees white before closing her eyes. The next time Johanna opens her eyes she is met with darkness. Johanna slowly moves to sitting, her body’s responses are sluggish, her limbs don’t seem to be her own when she looks at them. Johanna makes her way over to a corner and leans against it. Focusing on breathing in and out. Trying to find what is real. Eventually Johanna’s body feels like her own again. Complete with all the aches and twinges of pain that never seem to go away.

 

Peeta wasn’t so lucky. Johanna heard him through the walls, heard his decline into madness. He didn’t have as good of an anchor as Johanna, he didn’t improve when they left him alone. Every time they took Peeta away Johanna could tell he came a little more unstuck from what was real. Johanna didn’t know how long she’d been here. The only thing Johanna had to tell the passing of time was the difference in the boy’s screams, in the things he would mutter between sessions. The things he would beg and plead for. He used to cry for Katniss to save him, now he ranted and raved at the mention of her name. Johanna tried to block out Peeta’s screams at first, Johanna knew she was the reason he hadn’t been saved. She had convinced him to back her up with Haymitch and get Katniss out of the Arena first. But then Johanna thinks if it was between hearing him or Katniss screaming through the walls she’d make the same choice a thousand times over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more of the same... sorry Johanna


	3. Chapter 3

 

Johanna is lying on the floor in her cell where the figures in white had left her after her last session in the machine. Johanna’s body is still convulsing, her veins feel as though they are on fire after whatever new concoction they injected her with still courses through her body. The sound of footsteps approaching has Johanna tensing, it can’t be time for them to take her back already- but instead a door nearby is opened and slammed shut, the footsteps recede and Johanna lets out a breath. The whimpering takes a while to register but once it does it’s all Johanna can hear.

 

“Peeta?” Johanna calls out softly. The whimpering stops and Johanna hears an odd dragging sound. “Peeta, how are you doing?”

“Jo.” Peeta answers hoarsely.

“It’s okay, they’ll come and get us.” Johanna lies, “Katniss will come and get us.”

“She left us! She put us here!”

“Peeta you know that’s not true, think about it, you know it’s the Capitol-”

“Everything is her fault.” Peeta interrupts darkly. Peeta refuses to say anything else and Johanna doesn’t have the energy to try and unpick whatever lies the Capitol had been feeding him this time. It wouldn’t do any good anyway, they were stuck here until the Capitol grew bored with them or they outlived their usefulness. Johanna had no doubt that how valuable the Capitol saw her was quickly diminishing each time she didn’t give them what they wanted, that she had likely already reached the end of her worth in the Capitol’s eyes. After a while Peeta seems to come back, to have a moment of clarity, his voice breaching the silence again this time frantic instead of angry. “Jo, I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what’s real.”

“Peeta, it’s okay, just breathe. Breathe.” Johanna leans against the wall separating them as if she could somehow pass through it.

“I can’t… I can’t.”

 

Johanna doesn’t hear from Peeta for a while after that. Maybe they’ve moved him. Maybe they broken him beyond repair. Johanna slumps down on the floor and lets her eyes close, darkness taking over.

* * *

 

Johanna wakes up to quiet, she tenses in the dark, wondering what woke her. Usually if she’s woken abruptly it’s to the sounds of screams but everything is quiet... Then Johanna hears muffled bangs and high-pitched ringing. Footsteps race back and forth behind the door to her cell, Johanna can hear shouting coming from beyond the walls while the lights flicker underneath the door. Hope unfurls within her chest and Johanna braces herself against the wall, pulling herself upright.

 

“Hey!” Johanna shouts out, her voice coming out a rasping croak. Johanna coughs and tries again, this time raising her voice beyond the noise coming from outside. “Hey! Hey, I’m here!”

 

Johanna wonders if she had made a mistake, too long passes with thuds and shouts the only thing passing into Johanna’s cell. Then the door opens. Johanna breathes deeply and readies herself to fight. Instead of the familiar white outfits the figures in the doorway are dressed all in black. Johanna focuses on the guns and the masks hiding their faces and takes half a step back. One of the figures pulls off the mask, revealing a familiar face.

 

“Johanna.” Gale says once his mask is off. “We weren’t sure if we’d find you here.”

“Got a gun for me?” Johanna asks.

“You’re in no shape to fight.” A voice says, distorted through the mask.

“You can barely stand.” Gale agrees.

“I didn’t know you had picked up a doctorate in Twelve Hawthorn.” Johanna snaps, “how about we both stick to what you know and you give me a weapon so I can help against these Capitol shits.”

“Still got that mouth on you I see.” The previous voice interrupts, breaking Johanna’s attention from glaring at Gale and his weapons.

“We’re wasting time.” Another voice cuts in, “move out.

 

Johanna found herself flanked by two figures dressed in black. One attempted to grab Johanna’s arm and the victor from Seven shied away, her hands coming up to push the reaching limb away and into a hold that would enable Johanna to gain the upper hand and disarm their weapon but Johanna’s hands brushed ineffectually along the black combat suit and the person’s arm barely moves away with Johanna’s push.

“You need to keep up.” The masked figure says, the dark lenses covering their eyes glinting down at Johanna.

“Yeah, well you need to keep your hands to yourself. I’ll keep up fine on my own.” Johanna replies angrily. Johanna can practically feel the exasperation coming from the person beside her but they don’t try to touch her again.

 

Johanna’s breath comes out in harsh pants as she stays with the group. She would never admit it but if they had given her a gun Johanna doesn’t think she could keep her arms steady enough to aim it. Or even hold it up. Every step sends shocks through her body, Johanna can feel her muscles straining and shaking. With every step Johanna wants to stop, to slide down a wall and rest but she grits her teeth and doesn’t say a word. Pushing herself to stay in the formation. The building seems deserted, the lights still flicker, casting shadows that have the group constantly aiming their guns at nothing. Johanna recognises some of the rooms they pass by. Machinery left on, wires trailing across the floor. Johanna stares straight ahead, determinedly not looking further into those rooms. Short spurts of gunfire have Johanna looking around anxiously. The group press backwards and Johanna staggers at the change in direction. The bodies close around her and Johanna can’t breathe. For a few moments all Johanna is aware of is the push of bodies, the sound of gunshots. The sound of her own breathing coming in laboured bursts. 

 

Johanna doesn’t know how long it takes for them to make it out the building, or to get to the waiting helicarriers. Moving through the corridors where she was held was overshadowed by the focus it took to keep her legs moving, to stay upright. Johanna stumbled more than a few times but after the first person who had tried to help her had been angrily rejected the others let her get on with it, with only a few sideways glances with every time she faltered. Eventually Johanna climbed aboard the helicarrier, the helmets and guns were quickly discarded by the group, Johanna frowned as she looked at them, there seemed to be fewer people than she remembered.

 

“We’re going-”

“To Thirteen. I know.” Johanna says wearily lying back along the bench in the carrier.

“How do you know?” A large man suddenly loomed into Johanna’s vision. “Who told you about Thirteen, how much did you tell the Capitol?”

“Easy there soldier. That’s all I knew, for some reason I wasn’t deemed high up in this great plan of yours to know the finer points. And I didn’t tell the Capitol anything.” He looked at her incredulously. “Seriously. Since when have I ever made anything easier for myself?” Johanna asked dryly. That seemed to satisfy them and he moved away from where Johanna had placed herself, only to be replaced by Gale.

“Hey, how are you-” Gale asked

“Where’s the rest of your rescue group?” Johanna interrupted, ignoring Gale’s question.

“We split up to get the targets faster.” Gale frowned and looked Johanna over. “You were with us when we discussed that.”

“Peeta?” Johanna asks flatly, staring at the walls of the helicarrier.

“We’ve got him. And Annie too.” Gale replies.

“Annie?” Johanna questions confused.

 

Gale starts talking about what happened after the Games. What Katniss did and how the Capitol reacted but everything washes over Johanna as though she’s back in the tank of water. Faces peer down at her and garbled speech Johanna can’t make out through the water coats over her, Johanna’s vision sparkles and dims as the faces get closer to her.

* * *

 

Johanna can hear soft murmurings. Johanna keeps her eyes closed and breathes deeply and evenly as she takes stock of herself, she is lying down, doesn’t seem to be restrained. The aches she feels all over her body are nothing new. Johanna swings her feet to the side and attempts to get up but Johanna can’t stifle the cry that the sharp pain that lances through her body forces from her, alerting the voices that she’s awake. There’s a flurry of movement, Johanna tries to make out what is happening but what she sees doesn’t make sense.

“This won’t do”

“Up the dose”

“It’s a miracle she made it this far”

Johanna feels hands push her back down and a needle push against her skin. Johanna struggles but as hard as she tries she can’t break from the bonds.

 

“Why are you drugging her?” An angry voice cuts through the stale silence and Johanna smiles, she knows that voice. Wishes she could see them bright and angry fighting with whoever was stupid enough to cause their ire.

“Her body was on the brink of collapse”

“That’s not what Gale said.” The voice stands out clear again and Johanna tries to open her eyes, to move closer to that voice but everything is too heavy.

“Mr Hawthorne doesn’t have any medical knowledge”

“He knows Jo better than you do. _I_ know her better than you do.” the voice comes closer. Softens. Johanna can feel gentle hands tracing over her skin and fingers lacing with her own. Johanna tries to move again but instead of sending adrenaline through her body the touch relaxes her, sends her back to the nothingness where her body isn’t aching and her mind isn’t clouded.

 

Annie is there sometimes and Johanna knows she must be hallucinating, Finnick and Annie sit by her bed and tell her that they will take down the Capitol and their voices take Johanna back to waves in Four, standing on a beach and then Katniss is there. Her hand linking with Johanna’s as the victor from Twelve berates her for a litany of things that Johanna doesn’t think she should get the blame for, sleeping doesn’t seem to be something to hold against someone for one, and most of the other faults make even less sense. As weird as the delusions are they are better than the usual fantasies the Capitol put her in. Johanna half doesn’t want to come round from these new hallucinations the Capitol have induced.

 

Johanna surfaces into consciousness again, yet more unknown voices are talking around her.

“What did they do to her?”

“Hijacking. It’s fear conditioning enhanced with trackerjacker venom. Shocks, beatings, anything the Capitol can think of paired with implanted or distorted memories. Usually targeting-”

 

Johanna panics. She can feel her body more substantially than the previous times she was still in the hallucination. The Capitol’s drug must be finally lessening. Johanna can feel her limbs strapped down, but this time she has more control over them. Johanna lifts her arms and tears at the material binding her to the bed. Someone nearby lets out a noise of surprise and Johanna feels hands around her wrists, holding on to her. Johanna panics and lashes out harder, tugging her hand closer to herself and pulling the person holding onto her off balance. Johanna grabs onto their arm and twists-

“Ow, Jo!”

“Finnick?” Johanna asks letting go of who she now recognises as the victor from Four.

“Nice to see you too.” Finnick says standing up and rubbing at his wrist. Johanna glances around, waiting to see who else was going to appear. “This is real Jo.” Finnick says softly, his eyes following Johanna’s as they dart around the room.

“Well now you’ve said that what more evidence do I need?” Johanna replies wryly.

“Hey, there’s no way I could look as handsome in your visions as I do in reality.” Finnick grinned at her.

“The size of your arrogance is difficult to manufacture.” Johanna waits for Finnick to come back at her with something but looking up at the older victor she just sees him smiling at her.

“It’s good to have you back Jo.”

“Not sure if I can say the same. So far it’s not that different to the- to where I was before.” Johanna raises her arm up and the restraint dangles from it.

Finnick grimaces and leans over to unfasten the straps from her limbs. “Sorry about that. It’s just a precaution.”

“What have you been doing anyway -it clearly hasn’t been training out based on how easily I incapacitated you there.”

“Well look who’s talking, I don’t know why they bothered to restrain you, you’re no threat now. I heard you could barely make it onto the helicarrier before passing out.”

Johanna ignores Finnick’s jab and frowns, trying to separate what had actually happened from what were probably dreams or hallucinations. “I kind of remember… before I… before I made it back here Hawthorne said they got Mellark and Cresta?”

Finnick’s face breaks into a wide grin, “Yeah, Annie’s here.”

“So how many of us made it out the Arena?” Johanna asks with forced casualness, her eyes trained on the thin blanket on the bed.

“Well Haymitch, Beetee, Trinket is here if you can imagine it. Not strictly of her own choice but we couldn’t leave her behind in case she’d picked something up about the plan.”

“Anyone else?”

“Hmm I think that’s it.” Johanna looks up from picking at the blanket and catches the smirk on Finnick’s face. “Oh and Katniss is here.”

“You’re an ass Odair.”

“And yet you love me anyway.” Finnick replies grinning at Johanna who rolls her eyes in response. “I’d have thought you’d know Katniss was here.”

“Well she’s not here at the minute is she.” Johanna snaps gesturing at the room empty save for her and Finnick.

“She’s being monitored in a medroom. Her and Peeta’s reunion didn’t quite go as expected.”

“He attacked her didn’t he.” Johanna says flatly. “I could have told them that would have happened. Not that anyone would have cared enough to ask me.”

“You were passed out on morphling, what could they have done, forced you to wake up and asked you what they did to Peeta?”

 

Johanna didn’t say anything to that. Finnick started to tell her some of the gossip from Thirteen, but Johanna zoned out of what he was saying. Take the victor out of the Capitol and he was still using the same tactics to survive. Not that she could talk, they were all finally out from under the Capitol’s eye and still Katniss went to see Peeta first. Of course Katniss went straight to Peeta. Meanwhile she was sat in a medbay with Odair. Johanna wasn’t sure how this plan to take down the Capitol of Haymitch’s was going to work if all the victors were firmly stuck in the same mindset that the Capitol had created in them. Of course, Johanna thought bitterly, maybe the Capitol’s influence had just been a convenient excuse for Katniss. She had grown up with Peeta, they had been in two Games together. What was a scribble on skin to that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm hard to know when to break up this and the next chapter (but since that's still mostly bullet points I thought I should post what was actually done)


	4. Chapter 4

 

Johanna is being berated by one of the ubiquitous medical staff for trying to leave her bed when a roll of her eyes brings her gaze to rest on Katniss standing in the doorway looking unsure whether she should enter or not. Katniss stands up straighter when she realises Johanna’s eyes are on her and the younger victor moves forward into the room. Johanna can see the bruises around her neck, a pattern of fingerprints circling Katniss’s throat. Katniss falters, staying behind an imaginary line around Johanna’s bed, not moving any closer.

 

“Peeta’s handywork I presume?” Johanna asks flatly. Johanna notices the nervous looking medbay staff silently hovering next to her. “Oh, for Panem’s sake. Sorry to disappoint any of you looking for a show but my urge to strangle Katniss is at the same level as it usually is.” The doctor huffs and strides off leaving the two of them alone.

“Hey Jo.” Katniss says quietly, her eyes intent on Johanna’s.

“So, we’re out. You got out a bit easier than me.” Johanna said casually.

“You sliced my arm open with your axe and I got electrocuted.” Katniss replied disbelievingly.

“Oh, poor you, and then you had to come here to this nice safe bunker where they treat you like a saviour –something that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t cut the tracker out of your arm.” Johanna said bitingly.

Katniss stared at the angry woman for a long moment, fragments of what she could say to her withering before Johanna’s scathing gaze. “Right. So… I’ll go then?” Katniss said haltingly.

“Whatever.” Johanna said as she slumped back down in the hospital bed as Katniss made to leave.

Katniss turned back to look at Johanna, “I’ll come and see you tomorrow.”

“Don’t put yourself out Twelve.”

Johanna didn’t know if it was the tone of her voice or the nickname that caused Katniss to snap, the younger victor turned and strode back over to Johanna, her eyes flashing. “Look I didn’t ask for you to help get me out, I didn’t even know about Haymitch’s plan in the Arena. How was I to know that you attacking me wasn’t you deciding to end this… thing between us. And reduce your competition for the Games while you were at it!” Katniss replied, her voice dropping.

“You thought I wanted to kill you?” Johanna asks stunned.

“It’s not that weird a conclusion to come to after someone slices your arm open and knocks you out!”

“You really are brainless.”

 

Katniss stares at Johanna in disbelief and Johanna stares back unflinching. Refusing to back down, Johanna thought she knew where Katniss stood now, Katniss had proven what she wanted when she took the time to visit Mellark and couldn’t be bothered to look in on her until now. Katniss shakes her head and lets out a laugh devoid of any humour, the younger victor’s eyes meet Johanna’s again and Katniss moves back towards the bed.

 

“I’m not going to rise to whatever weird game you’re playing.” Katniss says, arching her eyebrows in challenge as she pulls slumps down on a chair next to Johanna’s bed with unerring familiarity.

 

At least Katniss wasn’t treating her like she would snap if they said the wrong thing Johanna thought wryly. Of course, that could be because she wouldn’t care if she did. Katniss had Peeta, Johanna was superfluous yet again. Johanna glared at Katniss who appeared unaffected as she returned her stare.

 

“Would you have even come for me if Peeta wasn’t still in the Capitol too?”

Katniss gapes at her, “Of course. Of course I would,” Katniss replies softly, “Johanna, I know I’ve been. But I never – I didn’t, I mean.” Katniss lets out a breath and reaches out before stopping, her hand falling on the expanse of starched white bedspread between them. “Jo, you’ve got to know how I feel. I know I’m terrible at this, that it’s not been… the easiest between us. With everything that happened, the Games and Snow… but this is real for me. I wanted to come after you so much, I didn’t even know where you were and Haymitch had to get Beetee to change the locks into the transport bunkers because I was going to track you down myself. I needed to find you.”

“You didn’t actually come though.” Johanna observes.

“They wouldn’t let me. I tried, Jo. And when we finally had an idea of where you might be… I tried everything to get on that task force. Gale went because he knew how much I wanted to but couldn’t.”

“That was nice of him.” Johanna said dryly. “With Peeta threatening to throttle you if you get within arm’s length maybe Hawthorn is finally going to get that chance with you he’s been mooning after for so long.”

“Jo.” Katniss looks at Johanna and sighs, her eyes flitting over the standard bed and medical equipment. “You’re just trying to pick a fight.”

“Well maybe that’s the way to your heart now.” Johanna bites out, gesturing at the necklace of bruises about Katniss’s neck.

“What’s your problem,” Katniss grits out frustratedly, “we’re finally out of the Capitol, all of us are out safe. And you’re being like this.”

“I don’t know Katniss,” Johanna said tiredly, “maybe after everything that happened in the Capitol I’m sick of being second best. Hiding everything from everyone and getting the smallest pieces of you, like you’re doing me some great favour, meanwhile you’re kissing Peeta in front of everyone. Coming to see me only after Peeta tried to kill you.” Katniss starts to interrupt but Johanna ignores her, her voice rising even as Johanna tried to remain unaffected, “Gale said when he let me out of my cell that they didn’t know I would be there. You went because you knew Peeta was there. You went to get him out.”

“Okay, firstly I already told you they wouldn’t let me go.” Johanna rolls her eyes and leans back looking at the ceiling instead of Katniss sat beside her. “Johanna no, listen. The Capitol showed me Peeta. They showed Peeta on the broadcasts trying to get the rest of the Districts to stop rising up against the Capitol, trying to hold him over us. But I never saw you”

Johanna rolls her eyes “Figures.” Johanna scoffs “Even when they knew about the mark they didn’t think I would mean enough for you to stop this.”

“No!” Katniss starts, her voice rising. Johanna raises her eyebrows and Katniss stops herself, takes a breath and continues calmer. “I mean. I wasn’t in control of any decisions anyway. I didn’t even know Haymitch planned to get us out. They used Peeta because they wanted to have him turn the Districts against us. Make them think Peeta thought it was a bad idea, he’s always been the better public speaker. I don’t know why Haymitch got me out instead of him.”

Johanna smirked “Me and Peeta actually agreed on something for that one. We forced Haymitch to see it our way.”

Katniss laughs “I’m sorry that’s… it’s hard to imagine the two of you working together.”

Johanna shrugs, “We realised we had common interests.”

“The Capitol never showed me you. I didn’t know what had happened to you. I- I thought for a while… I thought the last words I’d said to you were that I couldn’t be real with you, that there were too many people at risk for me to act how I wanted, and yeah, that was true, I could never risk Prim. But I thought-” Katniss sighs loudly and runs her hand roughly through her hair. “I don’t know what I thought, we were all in the Arena, I didn’t know Haymitch had this plan to get us out. I never dared to hope we could survive together. And then you knocked me out in the Arena and cut my arm-”

“To _protect_ you.” Johanna interrupts frustratedly.

“Yeah, I know that now. But at the time… at the time I thought maybe you’d had enough. Of how I was with Peeta. And I wouldn’t have blamed you for that.”

“I was never the one that acted like they’d had enough of this.” Johanna replied incensed.

“You said in the Arena that there was no one you loved anymore.” Katniss added quietly, her gaze fixed on the white sheet between them. “You said when I came to you… when we were together it was like I was doing you a favour, but it was me who was getting the support then. I had to act like I was in love with Peeta-”

“Act” Johanna said bitterly. Katniss’s eyes lifted from the bed and met Johanna’s, the younger victor’s gaze filled with emotion.

“I care for Peeta, we’ve been through so much together. He helped me, but putting on that act in front of everyone, it was tiring Jo, I needed you just as much if not more than you needed me. I needed how you made me feel like I didn’t _have_ to act any differently, like you made me feel that I was enough all by myself. I needed how I felt around you so I knew I wasn’t… broken after those first Games. I couldn’t feel anything, I would remember killing Marvel and Cato. How it was to find Rue dead and I was empty. All the time I had nothing. Apart from when I was with you.”

Katniss waits for Johanna to respond but Johanna is silent, watching Katniss. Katniss drops her gaze from Johanna and continues quieter. “Maybe I don’t deserve to have you remember me, to love me. Not with how I treated you. I played the Capitols game and gave them me and Peeta and they took him away and changed him. Made him hate me. But you don’t and I feel guilty that now we’re away from the Capitol and I can be with you Peeta is still under the Capitol’s influence. I can’t have everything I wanted while the Capitol have broken Peeta. I don’t deserve to be happy when this is all my fault.”

“I knew it.” Johanna laughs bitterly, “so after all that, after your nice speech that circled around, without actually _saying_ how you feel about me. After that you’re saying that now we could be together you can’t because you don’t deserve it, or some bullshit? You have one hell of a martyr complex Katniss.”

“Jo-”

“Don’t. Just go.”

“Jo, that’s not what I meant-” Katniss tries again to get Johanna to listen, her voice pleading.

“Seems like we can never say what we mean doesn’t it.” Johanna said tiredly. “I can’t keep playing-”

“I’m not playing. I want this Jo. I just”

“There’s always a ‘just’ with you. You can never decide what you want”

“I know what I want.” Katniss says angrily. “You’re not listening to me.”

One of the medics comes to the doorway then, disapproval etched onto her face “Ms Everdeen this is meant to be a place of recovery. I’m going to have to ask you to leave, there are more people than Ms Mason recuperating in these rooms.”

“I’ll be back.” Katniss says to Johanna as the med staff usher her from the room.

“Don’t put yourself out.” Johanna replies wearily sinking back down into the scratchy pillows.

 

The rest of the day passed the same as the others had since she had woken in Thirteen, rounds of tests and examinations that made Johanna snap and the same portion of grey mush for food. But Johanna barely registered any of it, still thinking back on Katniss’s visit.

* * *

 

Johanna finds ways to stop her brain from continuously playing her last interaction with Katniss, and to stop the dreams that she is back in the Capitol, back in that room with the wires running from her skin to the machine. For saying how careful Thirteen are about making their supplies last in case they are completely cut off underground Johanna finds it almost too easy to get her drug prescription extended, and extended. The dose is upped with a few stories and even when they start to talk about cutting Johanna’s dosage Johanna can find where it’s kept and take what she needs. Better that drug than reality Johanna thinks to herself, it’s not like anyone cares what she’s doing down here anyway.

 

Johanna is dozing on a bed, half still in a morphling high when the door opens and Johanna looks up expectantly, but she deflates when she sees Finnick enter the medbay.

“Not who you were hoping for?” Finnick asks with a crooked grin.

“Don’t know why I expected it, we all know where she’ll be now.”

“It’s not a competition Jo,”

“Yes, it is.” Johanna said tiredly. “Not that it matters now.”

Finnick sat on the chair still beside Johanna’s bed “You know she had been coming and sitting with you when you first got here.” Johanna scoffs at that “No really, if Haymitch or Effie had to track her down for some counter-propos they’d always find her here. And then when you were unresponsive the medstaff had to call me and Haymitch to drag her away from your side so they could work without her screaming at them.”

“Where is she now then? What, is it too hard to see me now I’m awake and can talk back?” Johanna asked glaring at Finnick.

“You know I didn’t think she cared for Peeta at all during the 74th Games. I thought it was all an act. Then in the Arena with her and Peeta and I watched them, I knew it hadn’t all been a lie. She loved him, I don’t know whether as a friend, or something more, but she loved him. Maybe she didn’t even know.”

“Wow Finnick. Next time you’re in hospital I’ll come and tell you about how Cresta was involved with the entire fishing fleet in Four.”

“But I saw you two together too,” Finnick continues ignoring Johanna’s interruption. “and something I learned about Katniss while we were here in Thirteen and you and Annie and Peeta were still in the Capitol… she cares. Protecting Peeta, allying herself with Rue in her Games, that wasn’t orchestrated that’s her. Who she is.”

“You trying to say you know her better than me now?” Johanna asks, eyes narrowing.

“No, you know this, but maybe you need to be reminded. She was told to act like she loved Peeta. She played a part with him but she cared too. You, you she didn’t act that way with. She wanted you just for herself, not because you needed her.”

“Katniss doesn’t let herself want.” Johanna replies resentfully.

“She couldn’t before. Maybe now…”

“No.” Johanna interrupts decisively, “she told me as much when she came in here to see me.”

“Don’t write it off Jo, we’d never have thought we’d be in Thirteen plotting war against the Capitol before Katniss’s Games. It’s a brand-new world, maybe it’s time to hope things can be good again.”

“From here it all looks pretty much the same.” Johanna grunts.

* * *

 

Johanna wasn’t meant to leave the medbay, one of the ways she had managed to stay on the morphling for so long was by playing up her injuries, and that had led to the med staff ordering strict bedrest. Being subject to previously unknown Capitol torture really did give her a lot of scope with what she told the doctors was troubling her Johanna thought wryly. Although even without that lie Johanna was ashamed to realise how much her body had changed after being kept prisoner by the Capitol for so long. Walking along the corridor Johanna’s breath was coming in short pants, instead of using her usual brash confidence as a cover of why she should be wherever she wanted and damning the consequences Johanna had to be much more stealthier than she was used to. But there wasn’t much longer she needed to go now. As long as they hadn’t moved again.

 

“Johanna.” Peeta says when he lifts his head from resting on his knees at the sound of the door opening.

“You’re remarkably lucid this morning Mellark.”

“It’s getting better.”

“Not what I heard.”

“From her? From Katniss?” Peeta’s voice rises and his skin flushes as his heartrate rises. “You stole her from me. You stole my soulmate. You’re scum Johanna Mason.” The words hiss from Peeta’s lips and Johanna watches the boy she remembered as being one of the friendliest to survive the Games transform into another tool for the Capitol.

“Screw you Mellark. You sit there and talk shit but you’re never willing to back this up, because you know what they told you isn’t real. If you thought that I had stolen your soulmate you would attack me instead of her.”

Johanna’s outburst seems to startle Peeta back into lucidity and he shrinks under Johanna’s gaze, "I'm sorry Johanna, it's all so twisted up."

"Hey, it's fine. They fucked us both."

"At least you don't treat me any differently, I mean, the threats and name-calling isn't great,” Peeta said, trying to smile but it slid from his face without taking hold. “but at least you're not treating me like I'm broken beyond repair."

"Let me guess, Katniss?" Johanna says wryly. "She does have a saviour complex when it comes to you."

"She feels indebted because I gave her bread one time when she was starving after her dad died. She told me I saved her. I said I should have done so much more, it was only a few loaves of burnt bread."

"Well yeah, you should have done more. You and everyone else in Twelve knew what was happening to that family and you did nothing.”

“I know.” Peeta sighs. “And she’s still trying to help me even after everything. But she makes it worse. Sometimes even talking about her makes it worse.” Peeta sighs. “Ironic really.”

“Not really. Capitol conditioning at its finest. I’m sure they’re very pleased. And now you’re here, I wonder if they planned to let you out.” Johanna says thoughtfully.

“You’re ok though.” Peeta replies almost accusingly.

“For a certain value of okay.” Johanna replies. 

“I heard you were avoiding her. Is that what you’re doing here?”

“Can’t I want to see you? And here I thought we’d bonded back in the Capitol.” Johanna quips back to Peeta her voice carefully light.

“Jo,” Peeta says almost pityingly.

“What?” Johanna replies angrily. “I don’t want to be second choice. Or third. You’re here but you’re broken. So she’s gonna come crying to me about you? No thanks.” 

“I thought you’d be happy I was...out the picture.”

Johanna laughs. “Come on, you know Katniss. Nothing gets her going like a lost cause, you’re more on her mind now than you ever were.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Come on, I know how close you got. Sharing a bed, all those late-night conversations on allies and tactics.”

“That was to stop nightmares. Nightmares we were back in the Arena. Nightmares you were in the Arena. I guess those times she woke up shouting your name should have made me stop fighting for me and Katniss to work. I knew it was doomed.”

“She still dreamt about you though I bet.” Johanna said bitterly. “Still cried out for you and tried to save your life whenever she dreamt she was back in the Arena. She’s barely spoken to me since I got to Thirteen.”

“I don’t know how much romantic advice I can give.” Peeta starts out, his voice self-deprecating,

“I didn’t come here for that.” Johanna cuts in quickly,

“I know you didn’t. I know you come here because no one else will shout at the crazy Capitol-broken victor and you need to make sure no one’s getting away without their dose of Mason fury-”

“Hey, no one will shout at me either, this here’s a mutually beneficial shouting experience.” Johanna interrupts, trying to turn the conversation away from where it’s headed.

“You can’t use me as a reason not to be happy”

“She’s the one using you-”

“Both of you are. And I’m not sure your reason is any better than her guilt. We’re out of the Capitol now Johanna, and yeah maybe I’m still there up here” Peeta gestures to his head, “and I can’t be trusted out of this room without armed escorts in case I hand everyone back to Snow or I- but I don’t want us to have to stay how the Capitol made us. Fighting each other in the Arena and then out of it, always waiting for them to take away whatever good we had.”

“How in Panem can you be so fucking noble when you’re stuck here thinking the woman you love tried to kill you-or whatever the hell the Capitol put in your head.”

“They put a lot of things in my head.” Peeta said “Unfortunately for them it already was pretty full.”

“Full of yourself more like.” Johanna replied her eyebrow raised, waiting for Peeta’s response.

Peeta smiled back half-heartedly and brought the conversation back to their usual light chatter, but Johanna’s mind never strayed too far from thoughts of Katniss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is later than I wanted, and I only have myself and my own procrastination to blame, so sorry to anyone waiting on this. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to start painting the minifigures for a boardgame and I forgot I am easily obsessed with new things. 
> 
> Lotta conversation in this chapter. Too much maybe. Not entiiiirely happy with this chapter but didn’t know how to improve it and still put something worthwhile up in under a …god, who knows with me, a month? year?  
> So yeah. Everyone’s team joniss. Apart from maybe Katniss and Jo who are, as always, giant pains in the ass with each other.


	5. Chapter 5

Johanna heard the tumult of activity in the medbay before she knew what it was for. It had been a few weeks since the doctor had told Johanna she didn’t need the morphling for her pain any more, Johanna had agreed and before the end of the doctor’s shift Johanna had stashed some around the room where the medstaff wouldn’t find them. They had run out faster than anticipated, but if the medstaff knew about the dreams, about the feeling that she was still back in the machine with electricity coursing through her body they would change their decision on the drugs. Johanna just didn’t want to drag it all up, it was more efficient this way. So while the staff were rushing to help whatever idiot had somehow injured themselves during cleaning the toilets, or peeling potatoes, or whatever else there was to do in Thirteen that could possibly cause injury Johanna had taken advantage of their distraction to head back to the medicine store.

 

They’d left the cabinet unlocked again- well, basically unlocked, it hadn’t taken much to pick the lock so it was the same thing as far as Johanna was concerned. Besides, the drugs were there to help those in need, and Johanna was definitely in need of them. Johanna was trying to balance another box on top of her pile when the speakers in the hallway crackled into life. Johanna flinched at the electronic buzz that always preceded Thirteen turning on their speakers, a few boxes slipping from her hold before Johanna could gain control of her reaction. Johanna glared at the fallen drugs before kicking them under the lower shelves out of sight before moving back into the corridor, preparing to have to listen to another speech from Coin about unity and picking up litter, honestly Coin and Snow had far too much in common than Johanna cared for. But instead of hearing Coin’s voice Johanna heard someone she was much more familiar with, someone who had no business being on Thirteen’s speakers.

 

“I’m done being a piece of his game.” The voice was quiet, and distorted by Thirteen’s ancient speakers but Johanna recognised it instantly and hesitated in her rush to get back to her room before she was seen.  Then louder, “These people aren’t our enemies, we have one enemy. Snow.” Johanna dumped the drugs and rushed to the medstaff’s station where she knew the nearest projector screen was, Katniss’s voice following her as she moved.  Johanna got in view of the projector just as Katniss turned directly towards the camera, Johanna couldn’t help but hold her breath as Katniss seemed to be staring straight at Johanna, fire and certainty in every aspect of her as she spoke to Panem. “Turn your weapons to the Capitol, turn your weapons to Snow.” Then gunshots rang out. The camera shook and dropped, screams the only soundtrack to the feet running in every direction across the screen before the feed went dark. 

 

Katniss had been injured. Somehow in the prison of Thirteen she’d got herself into Two and some Capitol sympathiser had _shot_ her. Johanna kept running over what she had heard as she rushed back to where the medstaff had been congregated earlier, Katniss loudly voicing her independence from Snow, that she wouldn’t play his Games anymore… and then- then she was taken away. Again. Johanna wasn’t sure how she made it back, the walls were even more maze-like than usual, the journey over had been lost in a haze of Katniss falling to the ground, first from gunshots then the landscape merged in to the Arena, guns turning to spears and then into axes. Finally Johanna was back, the panic Johanna had felt knowing Katniss was in the medbay was quickly dulled by the loud medstaff talking about low level abrasions and bulletproof outfits and Johanna could breathe again. If Katniss hadn’t been the Mockingjay and all of their plans rested on her they wouldn’t have given her the drugs to keep her unconscious. Johanna leant back against the wall outside Katniss’s room and closed her eyes, damned idiot _Mockingjays_ running into danger even when she was supposed to be out of it, supposed to be safe. They get Katniss out of Snow’s Arena and she can’t wait to rush into Coin’s war. Johanna focuses on unclenching the fists she hadn’t realised had tightened until she felt the sting of her fingernails cutting into palms. Deep breath. Johanna pushed away from the wall, anger fuelling her movements as she moved towards where Katniss was lying.

 

Once everything had quietened down and the staff had left to complete their other duties Johanna slunk into the room where Katniss was. Johanna paused outside the curtain blocking Katniss from the rest of the room, her hand was outstretched ready to pull back the curtain but even though Johanna knew from the medstaff that Katniss was fine, that there had been no long lasting damage Johanna couldn’t shake the image of Katniss lying motionless in the Arena, or in the ashes of Twelve, or any one of the countless fantasies the Capitol had pushed into her head. The thought of looking at Katniss lying still against the pale sheets, colour leeched from her face made Johanna’s insides jolt as though she had been put back in the Capitol’s machine. Johanna yanks back the curtain, not trusting herself to be able to fight against the Capitol’s lies and her own fears if she didn’t rip the bandaid off. As soon as Johanna opens the curtain she sees Katniss’s eyes jerk towards the sound, the girl from Twelve sat up in bed and looking no worse for wear and Johanna’s blood boils. That she could put herself in danger _again_ , that she was hurt and Johanna had been stuck in Thirteen not even knowing that Katniss had left. That Katniss still had more power over Johanna than anyone else ever had.

 

“Well there she is. The Mockingjay. Oh, that speech you gave, I still have goosebumps.”

 

Now Johanna’s focus isn’t honed in on Katniss she becomes aware of the pervasive itch, Johanna’s gaze flicks up to the IV bag attached to Katniss, the thin cable snaking around it, delivering morphling to the Mockingjay. Johanna moves closer and quickly closes the clamp that allows the morphling to flow into Katniss, pulling the syringe from the IV and sliding it into her own arm. Johanna quickly felt the effects of the drug and breathed a sigh of relief as she felt like herself again. Johanna sat back on the chair by Katniss’s bed and let the drugs meant for Katniss wash through her veins.

 

“You don’t mind, do you?” Johanna asks the still silent Katniss, waiting for any response from Katniss, “They cut off my supply of morphling. The head doctor that comes in sees me every day to try to help me adjust to reality. Like some guy from this rabbit’s warren actually knows anything about my reality.” Johanna closes her eyes, feeling the rush of morphling and breathes out. “At least twenty times a session he tells me that I’m totally safe. Safe from the Capitol. Safe from Snow.” Johanna looks over at Katniss, still sat silent in her bed, bandages poking out from beneath the medical gown. “What about you Mockingjay, are you totally safe?”

“’Til I got shot.”

“Oh please, the bullet didn’t even touch you. Cinna saw to that. _Of course_ your suit would be bulletproof.” Johanna can’t help a slight smile at that, even if Katniss was still completely brainless, rushing into danger she had no right to be in at least others had realised how idiotic their Mockingjay was and had prepared accordingly. So what are your injuries?” Johanna leans forward and grabs Katniss’s arm inspecting it for herself.

“Bruises.” Katniss starts shakily, Johanna looks up and sees Katniss’s eyes following Johanna’s fingers unknowingly tracing the same bruises on her skin, hurriedly Johanna drops Katniss’s arm. “bruised lung.” Katniss continues, the slightest tremor in her voice her eyes following Johanna’s hand as her touch leaves her.

“I’m surprised they haven’t found you a new lung. I’ve got two, do you want one of mine? Hell, have both, that way when you throw yourself into danger again you’ve got a spare! After all, it’s everyone’s job to keep you alive.”

“Is that why you’re angry? That they kept me alive?”

“Yeah I’m angry they saved you! I’m angry that you _had_ to be saved. I’m angry- I’m angry at you. At your brainless actions, I thought you were supposed to be smart. We’re out the Capitol for Panem’s sake! Out from under their influence, I always thought you had some control over what you did, now I realise everything that’s happened to you has been dumb luck. You’re only alive now because Cinna realised you were idiotic enough to throw yourself into live fire at some point.” Johanna pauses, lungs heaving as she struggles to get her body back under control, staring at Katniss who’s looking up at her with something undecipherable in her eyes. “Feel free to take any of this personally.” Johanna snaps.

“I was never in control. I never planned anything, everything I did I did just to survive.” Katniss says softly her grey eyes holding Johanna’s. “You should have been the Mockingjay.”  

“Well. Nobody likes me.”

“They’re afraid of you.” Johanna drops Katniss’s gaze and looks over at the bedside table, a picture of Katniss’s dad is there along with a locket. Johanna picks it up and opens it, Katniss’s mum and sister smile back at her. Along with Gale. “It’s just stuff my family brought.” Katniss says hurriedly, her gaze still on Johanna. Johanna puts the locket back and picks up a pearl.

“This from Peeta?” Johanna asks rolling the ball between her fingers.

“Yep.”

“They messed us up pretty good didn’t they.”

* * *

 

Johanna was lounging across two seats in the medstaff’s break room, she had already ignored a few suggestions, and one definite order to move back to the parts of the medical area open to patients but they had the better chairs in here. Plus it was handy to learn the staff’s rotation in case she wanted to avoid being seen when she wandered the hallways, like earlier when she’d called in to see Katniss in the early hours of the morning. When loud chattering at the entrance causes Johanna to open her eyes in annoyance, Johanna waits for someone with more supposed authority to come in and try and kick her out but instead the sight of Katniss limping into view has Johanna biting back her initial reaction, almost frozen at the sight of her.

 

“This is only for the medstaff.” Johanna says bluntly, as soon as she is over the shock of Katniss seemingly seeking her out, while Katniss appears to be ignoring her as she sinks into the chair beside Johanna.

“They don’t seem to mind.” Katniss says smiling at another fan who pats Katniss on the shoulder as they dart past the two of them into the room to grab some indeterminable lump of clothing or bags and then flee just as quickly, watching Johanna warily as they do. Katniss flinches imperceptibly and Johanna glares at the staff member’s retreating back.

“Even here they act like you’re public property.”

“Just because we’re not being actively controlled by the Capitol any more doesn’t mean we don’t have to answer to anyone.”

“Is that why you went into Two? Are you the District’s hero again- or do you just have a death wish now?” Johanna says flatly.

“We have to do something, otherwise we may as well have stayed in the Capitol letting Snow control us.”  

“I heard what happened in Two, bombing the civilians.”

“Gale said it’s war.” Katniss responds hesitantly.  

“Sure. War. Districts fighting Districts, kids killing kids. It all sounds so familiar somehow.” Johanna replies, sarcasm heavy in her voice

“Would you prefer we just gave in?”

“I didn’t realise you were a ‘we’ already.” Johanna raises her eyebrows

“We don’t all shut ourselves off from everyone.” Katniss bites back, glaring at Johanna

“Is that why you’ve been seeing me and Peeta so much, because you are so open about your feelings- oh wait.” Johanna glares at Katniss, “Apparently the Mockingjay is only comfortable with relationships that focus on violence.”

“Like that’s so different from you.” Katniss spits out, “after everything the Capitol did to you and Peeta I’d have thought you’d be _happy_ I was trying to stop them.”

“I forgot that you’re the Mockingjay.” Katniss looks at Johanna uncertainly, “that us poor lowly Districts can’t do anything without you. It’s lucky you have this death wish otherwise the Capitol peacekeepers would no doubt already be at our doors.”

“What else can I do? After everything they did to- how else can I make them pay. Do you want us to give in? Surrender to the Capitol after everything that they’ve done?”

Johanna turns away from Katniss, breaking eye contact. “Not like it matters. One cage is as good as another. Hell, I may as well be back in the Capitol cell if I’m going to be stuck in the medbay the whole time.”

“If you stopped taking it you could get out of here.” Katniss raised her eyebrows unsubtly and nodded to the bag of morphling half tucked under her shirt.

Johanna rolled her eyes, “just because I’m taking the drugs from you doesn’t mean you can give me shit about it. You care that much why don’t you tell the doctors?”

“I did wonder if that was why the pain didn’t seem to be lessening.” Katniss said thoughtfully.

“Oh, boo hoo. Like you even need it.”

“Like you do?” Katniss challenged, gaze sharp and watching Johanna intently enough to make the older victor uncomfortable. Something most people who thought they knew Johanna would have said was impossible to do.

“It’s here. May as well take it.” Johanna shrugs.

“But you could get out. Get out of these rooms at least, you wouldn’t be so sick of the same four walls you start breaking into the staff areas.

“Did they tell you to come get me out?” Johanna snapped back, glaring at Katniss.

“No. Prim told me you might want to chat. She’s seen you in here on her way to rounds. She wanted to come by and talk to you but they’re keeping her pretty busy.”

“Little Everdeen a doctor.” Johanna mused.

“Well, not yet.” Katniss said. “So. How about it?”

Johanna scoffs. “That how you think it’ll be? Snap your fingers and I do anything you say?”

“No, I just- I just want to help. You can’t want to stay in here forever.”

“What’s the alternative? Walking that concrete rat maze you all live in? Barely any difference. Besides there’s no way they’ll let me have free reign to where I go, they don’t trust me. They suggested I might come and pilfer the good drugs.”

“Wonder what gave them that idea.” Katniss said sarcastically, her eyes flicking over the needle that should have been left in her IV line.

“It’s not like they can exactly stop me.” Johanna smirks, some of her old bravado showing through.

“Still, there are limits to where you can get without the guards seeing you. You can’t leave the medarea without one of their passcards, wouldn’t it be easier to just-”

“I told you they don’t trust me.” Johanna responded flatly. “There’s no way they’ll release me, so I may as well make my time here as painless as possible.” Johanna smirked and adjusted the line feeding the morphling into her body.

“Unless someone could watch you.” Katniss said contemplatively.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Johanna spat out.

“I wasn’t saying that.” Katniss replied rolling her eyes.

“Who then? Can’t see Odair leaving Cresta to be roomies.”

“What if we roomed together?” Johanna stared at Katniss for a long moment, unable to find any words then she burst into laughter, struggling to get air into her lungs as Johanna failed to control her reaction. “It’s not _that_ funny.” Katniss said unimpressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. You can’t be any more disappointed in me than I am in myself. I haven’t read the book in years, so some is half remembered from that, some bits I’ve stolen directly from the film, some I distorted a little to fit better with what I’m trying to do.   
> Next chapter is already written so there won't be a ridiculous wait for that


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of medicine and drug addiction

“The rooms here are like being back in the Capitol cell.” Johanna says looking around the enclosed space. “Only smaller. At least I didn’t have to share there.”

“If you don’t want to share you’re welcome to go back to the medbay.” Katniss replies.

Johanna glares at Katniss who busies herself with putting sheets on the tiny bed, the Mockingjay’s movements jerky with repressed anger, Johanna grins to herself and saunters closer to Katniss, her body coming almost flush before the younger woman realises their proximity and jumping, twisting around to see Johanna. Katniss’s eyes go wide and Johanna leans in, “Thanks for making my bed.” Johanna says as she turns and flops onto her back, smirking at Katniss as Johanna slouches on the newly made bed. Katniss is frozen for a long moment, Johanna raises an eyebrow and Katniss huffs, turning away but Johanna can see a blush rising up from the younger woman’s collar. “Maybe sharing a room won’t be too awful after all.” Johanna says playfully.

“If your plan is to make me uncomfortable you’re going to have to work harder than that.” Katniss replies, quickly making up the opposite bed.

“I guess it’ll be nice being in such close quarters again.” Johanna replies, stretching out a leg and grazing her foot against Katniss’s calf.

Katniss whirls around and Johanna knows she has her practiced mask in place, knows that Katniss can’t see anything other than what Johanna wants her to see. “You’re impossible.” Katniss huffs out, throwing the pillow Katniss had half put in its case down on the other bed and leaving the room.

 

Well. Johanna thinks, looking around. It’s not that much different from the medbay. Sure she can wander around Thirteen now, but in that moment there’s nowhere Johanna wants to go, no one she cares enough to see. Johanna absently wonders how long it’ll be before Katniss gets over her tantrum and comes back, before Johanna is frowning at the blank walls and striding over to the other bed to grab the discarded pillow and throwing it on her claimed bed. Punching the two pillows into something resembling comfort Johanna lay there until the lights turned themselves off due to lack of movement.

* * *

 

Katniss was dreaming again. Johanna had been woken regularly during their relatively short time as roommates in Thirteen by the Mockingjay’s screams. Okay, Katniss wasn’t making a sound now, the younger woman was still in the restless movement stage of her dreams, so maybe some of those times Johanna had been woken by the itching under her skin, the prickling in her body waiting to be soothed by the morphling instead of the shouts and cries of Katniss. But Katniss’s dreams soon made the younger woman follow her into wakefulness. Johanna got up from her bed, pulling the sorry excuse for a pillow with her and moved towards Katniss. Before when Katniss had had nightmares while Johanna was there it was easier… but then everything had been easier before they had been forced back into the Arena. Johanna sighed and threw the pillow on the floor near Katniss’s bed, grabbing the morphling the doctors had given to Katniss earlier in the day and inserting the IV into her vein with a practiced hand. Johanna sank to the floor beside Katniss, pushing back against the flat pillow and stretching out, her hand almost casually falling onto Katniss’s head who murmured at the contact before Johanna began lightly carding her fingers through dark hair and Katniss’s restlessness eased, sinking back into sleep before the dreams could take more of a hold on her unconscious mind. Johanna leaned back and waited for her own reprieve from her unconscious terrors, for the morphling to take effect. 

 

“Johanna.” Katniss’s voice was hoarse and Johanna jerked awake, straightening up against the wall she was still leaning against. Katniss’s eyes tracked the cable leading from Johanna’s arm back up to where Katniss’s own IV bag was stored. “Is that mine?”

“You weren’t using it.” Johanna shrugged.

“You need to stop this.” Katniss said earnestly, “they’ll cut off my supply soon and you won’t have easy access.”

“I managed before.”

“Let me help-”

“I’m doing fine on my own.” Johanna cut Katniss off angrily, raising stiffly from the floor where Johanna had spent more hours than she had intended and moving over to her own bed. “I’ve had the practice.”

* * *

 

The doctors had already been reducing Katniss’s morphling intake before she was out of the medbay and soon enough Katniss’s prediction came true and the medstaff visiting their room told both of them that they were cutting Katniss off. They did rather pointedly look at Johanna at that point, Johanna just rolled her eyes and contemplated taking the clearance card she could see in the medstaff’s pocket.

 

Johanna hurled a glass at the wall and watched it splinter on impact, slithers of glass scattering around the room. It was times like these Johanna _really_ missed her axes.

 

“Hey…” Johanna’s eyes snapped up to Katniss sitting at the small table that barely fit the two undersize chairs under it. “You okay?” Katniss asked wincing as soon as the words had left her mouth.

Johanna scoffed. “Oh, just peachy. Can’t you tell?”

“Anything I can help with?”

Johanna eyed the glass on the table by Katniss’s hand. Katniss quickly gripped the glass, “I’m fine.” Johanna said through gritted teeth.

“You don’t look fine.” Katniss replies cautiously.

“Well can you really blame me. I’m stuck here in this cell with no one but _you_ for company.”

“You’re not stuck here. Come on,” Katniss gets up from the table and moves over to Johanna, “let’s go and visit Finnick. Or we can sneak into Beetee’s lab and see what Coin’s got him working on.”

“Ignoring the bit about you being part of the problem there I see.” Johanna snapped back, glaring at Katniss as she moved closer. Katniss froze and Johanna saw something pass over her face before the Mockingjay was once again in control, a practiced smile gracing Katniss’s face, “Don’t use that fucking Capitol mask on me.” Johanna spat out.

“Well then don’t use me as a reason you’re going out of your mind. We both know it’s because you’ve not been able to get your hands on any morphling since my supply was cut off.” Katniss shot back, moving purposefully towards Johanna. “We’re going out. You’re getting out of these four walls and-”

“Oh joy, another set of grey corridors to stare at instead.” Johanna interrupted sarcastically.

“Play your cards right and you can stare at the ceiling in the mess hall instead.” Katniss replied pulling on Johanna’s arm and all but dragging Johanna towards the door.

 

The touch made Johanna tense up, but Johanna couldn’t resist if she had wanted to, Johanna tried to pull back but realised that the strength she had always had, that had been with her ever since she could remember had left her. She was as powerless as she had been in the Capitol. Johanna realised Katniss had dropped her hold on her a few minutes after the younger woman had done so, at some point without Johanna realising Katniss had moved around to face Johanna and Johanna looked up to find Katniss staring at her worriedly.

 

“Jo?” Katniss asked tentatively. Katniss waited but Johanna didn’t reply, Katniss’s hands reached out and were quickly retracted back to her body a few times before eventually Katniss seemed to give up on waiting for a response from Johanna. “Come on Jo.” Katniss said opening the door to their room, “Let’s go mess with Finnick.” Johanna could tell Katniss was forcing the lightness in her voice but at that point she couldn’t summon the strength to call the younger woman on it.

* * *

 

Johanna was slouched on her bed, sheets and pillows strewn about the floor from both the beds, the few items of furniture the room had left where they had fallen -or been thrown by Johanna. Johanna was running back through her and Katniss’s latest argument her teeth grinding at the memory, Katniss had tried to get her to leave the room again but the younger woman had soon given up and left. Can’t even stick around when we’re roommates Johanna thought to herself glumly. There was a knock on the door and Johanna was filled with annoyance again at the Mockingjay.

 

“For Panem’s sake I didn’t mean that you had to _knock_ , you do live here too.” Johanna shouted through the door.

 

There was silence from the other side of the door and Johanna huffed, if Katniss was going to start holding grudges for every little thing Johanna said to her then even Katniss’s need to care for every injured person that crossed her path was going to run out soon. Typical that it would last the shortest with Johanna, she hadn’t even tried to kill the Mockingjay and Katniss was still ready to throw in the towel. Well, there was that misunderstanding in the last Games but Katniss should have known better than to think Johanna intended to kill her when she cut her arm. Really this is Katniss’s fault- Johanna’s internal and one-sided argument about Katniss was cut off when the door opened.

 

Johanna couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face at the person in the doorway, “What do I owe a visit from my favourite Everdeen to?”

“I’m sorry I’ve not been before-”

“Don’t worry about it, I know you’ve been busy, Katniss said they have you training to become a doctor now.” Johanna says waving the younger girl’s apologies off. “Besides I know that the extra pudding left on my food tray when I was still in the medbay was from you.”

Prim smiled at that and Johanna gestured for the younger girl to come in, glancing around at the mess the room was in and feeling a flash of shame. Prim didn’t comment on the state of the room and just picked up one of the chairs left on its side on the floor and sat down on it. The neatness of Thirteen’s standard issue outfit on Prim, and how the younger girl carefully positioned herself on the abused furniture made Johanna feel worse about the state of the room and Johanna’s own appearance. “How are you Johanna? I know this must have been quite difficult, first when you came here, and now you’re living with Katniss-”

“Oh, I’m fine.” Johanna says easily, “What about you, what’s the latest with your training? How’s Buttercup getting along with the rats in Thirteen?”

Prim watches Johanna, her eyes so similar to Katniss’s but filled with easy compassion. Johanna squirms under the gaze, “Katniss is worried about you, -she hasn’t said anything!” Prim says before Johanna can interrupt, “she was just asking certain questions… and I kinda figured you were the only person she would worry about that much.”

“Katniss isn’t worrying about me.” Johanna says flatly. “She has no reason to,” Johanna forcefully brightens her tone and smiles at Prim but the young girl doesn’t look convinced.

 

Prim couldn’t stay long, fighting against the Capitol’s forces had all the medstaff working long hours to patch up the wounded coming back, even the ones in training. Johanna thought Thirteen were playing on Prim’s desire to help, the younger girl would probably work days without sleep if they kept putting injured people in front of her, and it wouldn’t be the first Everdeen they took advantage of. But when Johanna said as much Prim just said she was doing what anyone would do normally Johanna found naiveite infuriating, especially considering that the Capitol dressed some of their crimes up as entertainment and televised them. But somehow Prim was the exception, Johanna hadn’t spent that much time with the girl in Twelve before she had thought of her as her own little sister, and despite everything she had been through, that she’d seen happen to her sister and to Twelve Johanna didn’t want Prim’s belief in the goodness of people to be broken and hoped that seeing the worst of what humans would do to each other wouldn’t affect the sweet girl.  After Prim went Johanna was left with the empty room that seemed more oppressive now Prim’s presence had gone. The mess served to make the room seem smaller and the lack of personality in anything brought back memories of the sterile Capitol cells.

 

Johanna felt her heart pick up, almost as though it was trying to beat out of her chest but couldn’t escape, no part of her could. Johanna’s limbs weren’t obeying her commands to get up and leave, or even to move. Blood rushed through her body, prickling pins and needles spread out through her limbs and Johanna’s breaths picked up but no matter how hard she tried Johanna couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen in her lungs. Johanna was so focused on her own body betraying her she didn’t hear the door open again, or the distracted speech that stopped as soon as they saw Johanna. Hands gripped onto Johanna’s and Johanna jerked away on instinct but the familiar eyes close to her own didn’t back away, and the hands just gripped onto Johanna’s tighter.

 

“-here, come back to me, Jo.” Johanna gradually became aware that Katniss was talking to her, “-focus on me, breathe with me. I’m here, we’re in Thirteen, we’re safe.”

Johanna wrenches her hands away from Katniss’s and the younger woman leaned back from Johanna with the force of it, her eyes wide and so open as they looked at Johanna. “Get off me.” Johanna almost spat out, scrambling from the bed and putting as much distance between the two of them as she could. Johanna felt cracked open, and worst of all Katniss had seen that, had seen how weak she had become. Johanna felt sick,

“Here.” Katniss says, moving back to the door to the pack Johanna hadn’t seen her bring in with her. Katniss throws a small bundle of brown and green twigs tied with a ribbon to Johanna who catches them on reflex. “Thought it might remind you of home.” Johanna looks closer at the twigs and notices the pine needles, almost as if her brain was waiting for the connection to be made the smell of pine swells over her. Johanna softly traces the sharp green needles and breathes in the scent of forests. “It’s not much but-” Katniss starts to speak, suddenly uncomfortable with what she had done.

“No.” Johanna interrupts, “No- it’s- thank you.” Johanna closes her eyes and sees trees higher than anyone could climb, green and brown all around, shielding them from the sun, from everyone and everything.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about drug addiction, apologies if this is laughably/annoyingly wrong for any one with any knowledge or experience with these things


	7. Chapter 7

Johanna pushed open the door to the room she shared with Katniss with enough force that she had to quickly bring her hand back up to stop the door hitting her as it ricocheted off of the wall. It seemed the only thing she was leaving the small room Thirteen had stuck her in was to attend her mandatory therapy sessions, Johanna didn’t know what annoyed her more, the colourless walls she stared at in her room or having to leave to be told by someone with no idea what she had been through that she should _talk_ about her _feelings_. Another waste of time Thirteen was intent on Johanna doing, although perhaps she should be grateful Johanna supposed, the doctor assigned to assess Johanna’s mental health was the all that was stopping Johanna being forced to do some sort of work detail to ambiguously ‘help with the general effort’, in Coin’s practiced political words. And without the long list of ‘un’s the doctor had scribbled in the file Johanna had peeked at, uncommunicative, unaccommodating, uncontrollable, unsettled, uncommitted, unpredictable… without those and the others Johanna didn’t care to recall Johanna could have been sent to anywhere in Thirteen, throwing axes at human beings or felling trees weren’t skills Thirteen were crying out for after all.

 

As Johanna walked further into the room she saw Katniss sat on her bed and stumbled slightly, not used to the Mockingjay being in the room during this time. Which was why Johanna scheduled her therapy for now, so that there wouldn’t be an audience for when Johanna’s emotions were still raw and within easy reach -even though Johanna didn’t tell the doctor anything of real note, the questions they asked… it still brought everything she didn’t want to remember up to the surface. Everything that happened in the Arenas and in the Capitol. Or to the people in Seven she had cared for. But unusually for her Katniss hadn’t looked up at Johanna’s noisy entrance, the younger woman stayed looking down at her knees as Johanna moved across the room and sank down onto her own bed.

 

“You saw Peeta didn’t you.” Johanna dispassionately asks the withdrawn Katniss. “Did you tell him ‘hi’ from me? We’re old friends, we had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We’re very familiar with each other’s screams.”

Katniss was quiet for long enough that Johanna thought the younger woman was ignoring her, not that it really mattered Johanna supposed. Nothing much seemed to matter now instead of the morphling Johanna just had her own memories, -then “Snow told me ‘it’s the things we love most that destroy us.’ I thought he meant Peeta, how he’d hijacked him, used him to try and kill me. But maybe he meant you. Or maybe I’m the one destroying you.”

“I’m not dead yet.” Johanna replies affronted

“No, but you’re not exactly living either.”

“What and you think that’s because of you? Not everything’s about you Katniss.”

“Peeta knows. He said it’s my fault. That I’m a monster.”

“When he was still hopped up on the Capitol drugs and conditioning.” Johanna scoffs,

“It’s my fault they tortured you. They tried to break you like they broke Peeta.”

Johanna can’t stop the emotion bubbling up at those words, the sluggish fog that has been weighing her down lately is burned away. “No! This isn’t on you! Don’t use your guilt as a reason to be here. I know you have a martyr complex but you can’t shoulder everyone’s wrongs. What happened to Peeta was because of Snow and only Snow.”

“What about you? Annie was there too, she didn’t get…-”

“Cresta’s been ‘jacked for years.” Johanna interrupted bluntly, “They knew she wouldn’t know anything.”

 “But the Capitol didn’t believe you didn’t know anything. They tortured… they did that to you and you couldn’t give them what they wanted anyway. Guess Haymitch not telling us the plan didn’t give us deniability like he’d hoped.” Katniss added bitterly.

“Well, I did know where you were. Finnick told me”

“What?” Katniss looks over at Johanna who just shrugs at her interruption. “So you could have given me to Snow all along.” Katniss says softly, almost more to herself than to Johanna.

“Not mine to give.” Johanna replies evenly.

“You went through all that and you could have told them everything, you could have got them to stop.”

“No. I couldn’t have.” Johanna says firmly, dropping Katniss’s gaze.

“If you’d told them they’d have-”

Johanna looks up angrily, “And you’d be dead, or worse. How could I do that?” Katniss stares at Johanna, emotions chasing openly across her face but she doesn’t respond. Johanna thought back to her file in the psych offices, annoyingly thin, sitting in the boring cabinet alongside other equally thin boring files, fixated on what she wasn’t, what she was missing since she had been brought to Thirteen and sighs, “no matter what happened I’d do it again, you understand? Now stop with this bullshit. You’re the _Mockingjay_ for Panem’s sake.” Johanna added with a smirk, Katniss just groaned and threw her pillow at Johanna’s face. Johanna smugly shoved the newly acquired pillow behind her. At least Katniss was showing some sort of emotion now, even if that emotion was annoyance at Johanna.

* * *

 

Johanna was pulled from her own dreams by hearing Katniss shouting her name, before Johanna had fully registered what she had heard she was out of the bed leaning over a clearly distraught Katniss. The younger woman’s face was screwed up and the cries for Johanna were interspersed with choking sobs as Katniss struggled to escape whatever was happening in her head. Johanna climbed onto the narrow bed and pulled Katniss into her, holding Katniss and repeating over and over that Katniss was safe, that Johanna was here and they were both safe together. Johanna held her trying to soothe Katniss as best she could. Katniss never woke up but her dreams seemed to shift into something less traumatising, Katniss’s breathing evened out and she settled into Johanna’s hold. Johanna briefly considered moving back to her own bed but she rationalised it to herself that leaving now would probably only disturb Katniss’s recently obtained rest, better to wait until there’s less chance Katniss would wake when Johanna moved away. Instead Johanna gazed down at the woman in her arms, she could just about make out Katniss’s features in the dark as she stared at the younger woman. Johanna didn’t mean to stay, didn’t mean for Katniss to wake and find her there, but she couldn’t help but drink in the closeness between them, and for once slipping into sleep wasn’t a battle to avoid nightmares.

 

Johanna felt movement next to her and woke with a start before realising where she was. The warmth of Katniss’s body was soaking into her bones, replenishing her body with something undefinable, the hollowness Johanna had been carrying around was now all the more noticeable for its sudden absence. Johanna rolled over and dropped to her feet, padding over to her own cold bed, feeling the distance growing between them with every step.

 

“Thanks.” Katniss says softly to the still dark room.

“Don’t mention it.” Johanna replies abruptly.

 

By the time their room is illuminated with the unnatural light heralding the start of Thirteen’s day something has shifted between the two of them. The brittleness that had been so pervasive in Johanna was still there, but it wasn’t as close to the surface any more. 

 

Johanna had started going to Thirteen’s mess hall since the doctor’s had announced she was capable of walking to the food hall herself, but when hunger pangs drove Johanna to navigate the maze of corridors she always went alone, avoiding any tables that people were already sat at and leaving as soon as she could. But now when Katniss asked if she was coming down for breakfast, her voice coloured with hope, Johanna found herself accepting- much to Katniss’s obvious surprise. The younger woman kept close to Johanna as they made their way to breakfast, Johanna suspected Katniss thought she might change her mind and turn around before they reached their destination if Katniss let more than three inches of distance grow between them. Once or twice Katniss brushed up against Johanna’s hand or arm and Johanna felt the same warmth bloom deep in her chest, unfurling outwards. By the time they reached the mess hall Johanna was almost feeling content. Once the two of them had received their designated rations Katniss started to direct Johanna over to one of the central tables, Katniss glared at the people on one side of the bench to move up and sat down, moving over so there was enough space for Johanna beside her. Johanna placed her tray down with a thud, almost waiting for someone sat there to remark on her sudden presence with them. But no one said anything and Johanna sat down at the table opposite Finnick and Annie Cresta, slightly grumpy to be denied a fight. Effie Trinket joined shortly afte, her hair concealed in a colourful scarf that stood out starkly against the grey of Thirteen’s outfits. In fact, now Johanna took the time to look there were a few splashes of colour among the grey, bright blue hair, colourful tattoos, scraps of material that had to have come from the Capitol.

 

“Yeah a few more Capitol citizens have joined the rebellion since you came to Thirteen.” Finnick said watching where Johanna’s eyes were focused.

“They regretted it as soon as they arrived, the colour palette available in Thirteen alone is beyond the pale.” Effie said shrilly, picking at her own grey trousers with obvious distaste.

“With the alternative being death, I think they found it within themselves to live with it.” Haymitch replied dryly from the other side of Katniss.

“Yes. Well,” Effie floundered for a moment before recovering “I’m sure President Coin could easily find some dye, or even a different material, that would allow us to brighten up these drab clothes. Individuality is important after all-”

“Some people seeing themselves as separate from the rest of Panem, as better than the Districts was what got us into this mess in the first place.” Finnick interrupted.

Johanna watched Finnick place part of his rations on Annie’s nearly empty tray, “Cresta’s got her appetite back at least.” Johanna commented

Finnick looked up sharply, “Not quite. Thirteen seem to think that because Annie can’t join the troops fighting the Capitol, or making advanced weapons like Beetee that she deserves the barest of portions. Didn’t you notice they had to scan you in before they let you take any food?” Johanna shrugged, before she had been in too much of a hurry to avoid everyone to wonder what Thirteen’s routine was as they gave her food. And her portion hadn’t looked that different from Katniss’s. “You’d better hope they think you’re useful or you’ll end up with your rations reduced too.” Finnick continued twisting in his seat to watch the kitchen staff moving about the room.

“Everyone is given enough calories based on an individuals daily work schedule.” Haymitch says wryly, “you have a problem with it you can talk to Coin. ‘Course she’s pretty busy these days, what with all the new people in Thirteen, and planning how to take down the Capitol.”

“It’s always one extreme to another, the Capitol’s love of excess and now Thirteen counting every bean.” Johanna laughs.

“Hey, at least we actually have food. That’s better than it was in Twelve some days.” Katniss says stabbing her fork into her own portion.

 

Johanna notices Finnick watching her and Katniss during the meal and glares at the man from Four, but Finnick just smiles back in his usual self-assured way that has Johanna itching to punch the smirk from his face. Johanna declines Katniss’s invitation to visit Beetee with her, Johanna doesn’t have the patience to get caught up in whatever mad-scientist inventions Volts was working on, and instead waits for the others to leave the table. Glaring at Finnick who seems utterly unconcerned by Johanna’s ire.

 

“ _What_?” Johanna spits out as soon as the others had left and Finnick had whispered something to Annie, causing the other woman to stand and leave the two of them alone.

“I thought you two had talked. Straightened things out.” Finnick said leaning back in his chair and eyeing Johanna contemplatively, “she sure looked happy after she left your room when you were first brought into Thirteen. if I hadn’t known how weak you were I might have thought you two had reunited in a more carnal way to put that grin on her face.” Finnick grins salaciously and Johanna clenches her hands into fists. “Of course, since then she’s been more reserved… which, gotta admit, confused me for a while, I mean you two are sharing a room I assumed you’d be at it like rabbits. But I supposed you were just annoying her with your usual belligerent charm.”

“I don’t know why you think it’s any of your business.” Johanna hisses out, fists still clenched and itching to hit the smug blonde.

“It was a simple question” Finnick says mildly, spreading his hands out and his expression looks as guileless as the young boy who first was reaped in Four to enter the Hunger Games. But Johanna can see the calculation in his eyes that enabled Odair to survive against better prepared and older tributes. Allowed him to survive in the Capitol all these years.

“Why does it feel like the only thing that’s really changed since we fled the Arena is the shitty décor? You’re still hunting for anyone’s personal information, Effie’s still obsessed with fashion and food is still the topic for discontent.”

“Are we ever really content?” Finnick asks shrugging, “How’s Thirteen treating you? The paradise after the Capitol’s control living up to everything that was promised?”

“This isn’t the end goal. After we defeat the Capitol we can change how things are run for the Districts. Let them govern themselves without shipping everything useful off to the Capitol.”

“I didn’t have you down for an idealist Jo.”

“No, that was more your role.” Johanna eyes Finnick guardedly, “What’s changed?”

“Nothing’s changed, I’m just thinking ahead to what comes after.”

“And that’s why you’re still hoarding secrets? Hoping to have some leverage over everyone?” Johanna says still eyeing Finnick with distrust.

“It may come as a surprise but I was actually asking after you out of concern, I know that… I know fewer people made it here than we’d both have liked. We both lost someone in that last Arena,-”

“Oh, for the love of Panem, you don’t want me to take on some ‘Mags crazy mentor shit’ for you do you.” Johanna replied smirking at Finnick who rolled his eyes in return. “This bid to be a confidante wouldn’t have anything to do with your need to know everything about everyone would it?”

“Purely out of concern. Well, concern and also a healthy interest in gossip.” Finnick winked.

“And that’s why you’re still gathering secrets?” Johanna asks eyes watching as the levity leaves Finnick’s expression.

“Information is a commodity. Peacekeepers can storm your District, bread can give you the loyalty of the masses. But leverage on everyone around them are what allows one man to do all that with impunity.”

“Just because we’re in somewhere unknown doesn’t mean we have to go into everything blind.” Johanna replies, gaze on the workers of Thirteen moving around them. “I’ve been out of the loop here too much already, you said it yourself, information is power. I’d like to know what kind of monster is giving us orders before they gain too much control.”

“Glad we’re on the same page Mason.” Finnick grinned quickly at Johanna before falling into an impression of Caesar’s typically over the top interviewer persona. “Now, about what you and Katniss get up to in your shared room…” Johanna throws her tray at Odair who’s laughing expression doesn’t fade even while he brushes the remains of the food from his clothes. “Note taken.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, ends weird I know. I promise next chapter will move into actual plot stuff

**Author's Note:**

> soooo. yep.  
> I'm on tumblr at PerytonsShadow if you want to chat and I promise not to let this one drag out as long as PWF took me to finish


End file.
